


My Open Window

by TeresaGreen



Series: Fighting Thunderstorms [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abuse, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, Bullying, Child Abuse, Closeted Castiel (Supernatural), Closeted Dean, Fluff, Homophobic Language, Impala, Jock Dean, M/M, Neighbours, Nerd Castiel, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-04
Updated: 2017-09-14
Packaged: 2018-12-22 22:51:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 26,570
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11976714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TeresaGreen/pseuds/TeresaGreen
Summary: Cas and Dean grow up next door to each other, go to the same school, attend the same parties. They are in the background of each others lives, but what about when the background gets brought in to focus? This is the beginning of a series full of heartache, missed moments and lost time, but also full of hope, humour and (of course) a happy ending.**These characters are not my own and belong to Supernatural****Adding in trigger warnings for alcohol abuse, child abuse and homophobic language/actions. I put these in the tags but I know I don't always check the tags when I read.**Love ya'll.





	1. Lost And Found

Castiel knew it was a bad idea, but what choice did he have? He had stayed a little late after school to check the lost and found box in the school office, hoping he might come across the umbrella he had brought in that morning. His mother insisted, cautioning the coming storm. So of course he had misplaced it sometime during the day, and he was not looking forward to the scolding he would be getting for losing it. His parents were as strict as a tightrope and always hammered the importance of organization, even into Castiel, who was only ten years old at the time. 

But alas, his umbrella did not grace the sad and rejected items filling the lost and found box, and Cas sighed resignedly as he watched his bus leave without him through the office window. He'd have to make the two hour long walk home through the back woods. Maybe he'd get lucky and beat the storm, he thought. Cas stepped outside, shouldered his heavy backpack weighed down with reading books from the school library and took exactly four steps before he felt the first pitter patters of raindrops on his face. 

Cash sighed again. He did that a lot. He hung his head and started walking quicker, power walking out the schools front gate, down the street past all the houses on the block until he came across the small path winding away from the street and leading to the woods. By the time he broke into the tall, stark trees, stripped almost bare with the oncoming of winter, Castiel had stopped trying to protect himself from the wet with his backpack, not having the upper body strength required to pull that off. Instead he settled for tucking the backpack under his shirt to protect his books and cradled it there like a baby. 

Eventually he was so drenched he might as well have jumped in the stream that ran through the woods not far from his house. The mud caked his shoes and legs up to his knees and the water was dripping from his hair into his eyes annoyingly. He knew if he could just find that stream he would be fine, just keep walking towards the sunset, and he would eventually hear the running water that was probably overflowing the banks by now. But he couldn't hear it, no matter how far he walked. The sunset he had been following was almost set, Cas checked his little plastic watch and he definitely should have found home a while ago. 

Castiel started to feel panic welling from his stomach, he was already soaked and freezing cold, shivers wracked his body from the November evening air and here Cas was, ten years old and lost in the woods, clinging to his precious books like they might be able to give him directions. With all the water already streaming down his face, Cas couldn't tell for sure if he was crying until a sob broke through his throat and he felt that familiar crunchy sensation in his forehead. Everything looked dark now, the same dark, he didn't know where the sun had gone down, the trees spinning around his flailing mind and landing him squarely in the middle of nowhere. He was lost. 

Castiel fell to his knees in the mud, suddenly regretting his habit of spending all his time in his room, he wondered how long it would take his parents to notice he was gone when they never really took any notice of him at all. Cas had never bothered praying before, despite his parents rigid religious beliefs and being dragged to church every Sunday, deep down he always doubted what he was being told about God and angels and the Devil. Even if he wasn't old enough to understand that doubt, it was there, brewing and making him roll his eyes whenever the priest held a particularly boring sermon. But in that moment, wet and cold and lost in the dark, Castiel pressed his shaking hands together and closed his eyes, praying for whatever God may be up there to send him an angel to help him find his way home. 

Before he had even finished his prayer, a small hand came down on his shoulder and made Castiel jump and fall forward in shock, turning back to see who it was. Standing there with a torchlight and an umbrella was Dean Winchester, the boy Castiels age who had lived in the house next door for as long as Cas could remember. Dean held his free hand out to help Cas up, Cas took it and shimmied under the umbrella with him to share, letting Dean lead him in the right direction. 

"Dean? How did you find me?"

"I noticed you didn't get on the bus today, and I couldn't see you in your room so I looked through my telescope and saw you all the way out here. You weren't far off, just went too far South."

"Thank you!"

"It's okay, I think it might be my fault anyway."

"Why?"

"You wouldn't be so wet if you had your umbrella. I saw it lying around at school and picked it up, I meant to give it back to you when you got home. Guess I messed that one up huh?"

"That's okay, I shouldn't have missed the bus for an umbrella. Thank you for rescuing me."

"No problem man, come on, we're almost there."

"I can hear the stream!"

"Yeah, me too." Dean huffed a laugh and guided Cas to his own backyard where he handed the umbrella over and ran into the Winchester residence without another word. Cas watched him go before turning into his own house and quickly getting himself cleaned up before either of his parents saw the state of him and had a fit. 

That memory was one of the few warm memories Cas had of Dean, because despite living across from each other their whole lives and going to the same schools, they hardly ever spoke. They had different friends, different interests. In light of all that Castiel found it funny that the few times they ever have interacted, it was always as if they had been best friends the entire time. There was never any awkwardness, no reservations or irritation. 

That's why Castiel found it so strange one day at school, eight years later when one of Deans jock friends who Cas had managed to avoid his entire school career so far, pushed him into a locker and punched him in the face, sending Castiel and all his books sprawling across the grubby hall floor. The attack itself wasn't so surprising, it wasn't the first time Cas had been picked on for being a stuffy nerd by some Neanderthal with masculinity issues. It was however, the first time he had been attacked by one of Deans friends in Deans presence, and Castiel couldn't say why he expected Dean to do something, to step in and help him, but he did. For the sake of their non-friendship Castiel turned a pleading gaze to Dean who looked him right in the eye, hesitated for a moment, before following his girlfriend who was pulling on the sleeve of his football jersey. 

Castiel couldn't tell why he felt so betrayed at the small gesture of apathy, he and Dean weren't even friends after all. But for some reason that gesture hurt even more than the throb pulsing along his cheekbone or the humiliation of having to scoop himself and his books from the floor while the Neanderthal walked away laughing like he had told some great joke. It was already the end of the day anyway, Cas didn't even have the chance to bitch about it to his friends who had all already gone home. Instead he picked himself up and shouldered his bag, sighing dejectedly as he left the main building, crossing the parking lot and winding through the June green trees of the woods on his way home. 

By the time Castiel was dumping his things next to his desk and going straight to his ensuite bathroom for a piss, the throb on his cheek had lessened, but Cas caught his reflection in the mirror as he washed his hands and grimaced at the darkening bruise there, wondering how he could explain it to his parents. He scoffed at himself then. Like his parents would notice, they never had before. Castiel went to his desk and pulled out all his homework, setting it in order and sitting down to get started. He was just finishing up math when something soft but solid hit the window over his bed.

Surprised and curious, Cas climbed on his bed and opened the window, eyebrows shooting upward when he saw Dean there, at the window of his room directly across from Cas not twelve feet away. It seemed the bedrooms mirrored each other and Dean was sitting on the pillows of his bed too. He looked tired and sad, guilt flicking over his features when he eyed Castiels bruise.

"Hey Cas."

"Hello Dean. What did you throw at my window?"

"An eraser. Sorry, I just needed to get your attention but didn't want to break the window."

"Alright. Why do you want my attention?"

"To say sorry man, about today. I should have stopped Zach."

"It's not your fault. I am not your friend, but Zach is. You were under no obligation to help me."

"Come on man, don't talk like that." 

Dean looked genuinely distressed, like what happened earlier had really shaken him up, like he had been worried about Cas. Cas shook the thoughts away, he and Dean weren't close enough to warrant worry over something so minimal. Then again, they weren't close enough to warrant the hurt Cas felt earlier at Deans lack of intervention, but the feelings were there anyway. Now, here, looking at the stress and guilt in Deans eyes, how could Cas not forgive him? All the kids at school knew Dean by the reputation of the company he keeps, he hangs out with assholes, so he, by association, is an asshole. But Cas knows better, he knows Dean better than anyone and he knows how soft his heart is when push comes to shove, even if he can be a dick sometimes. Anyone else would have shoved his apology off as a trick to be even meaner, but Cas knows better. Dean was being genuine and asking for forgiveness, it was probably eating him up. 

"It's okay Dean, really. I understand. And I forgive you."

For a moment Dean looks like he's about to argue, his expression torn and remorseful. But after a moment of looking back and forth between Castiel and his own wrung hands, Dean just nods, biting his lower lip and taking a deep breath.

"Okay. Thank you. I think I can help you with that shiner though."

"Oh no Dean that's not-"

But Dean was already leaving the window and rumaging around in a drawer somewhere out of sight. A few seconds later he returned with a tiny pottle of beige liquid and small black sponge in the shape of a tear drop.

"I won't take no for an answer, now get back."

Cas frowned but did as he was told, backing off the bed to the side and watching as Dean lined the pottle up first and tossed it expertly through the window to land with a light poof on Castiels bedspread, followed quickly by the sponge. Cas picked it up and examined it.

"Dean, is this makeup?"

"Uh, yeah. I have to use it sometimes, you know."

"Yeah, right. Thank you."

"No problem, if you have trouble getting it to look right, just give me a text and I'll come over and do it for you."

"I won't need to worry about it until school on Monday, but thanks. I also don't have your number."

"Really? Okay you got your phone?"

Cas pulled his phone from his back pocket and nodded, entering Deans number as he recited it. Cas said thanks again and told Dean he needed to finish his homework, to which Dean scoffed and huffed a laugh, but the tone didn't sound like an insult so Cas just let it slide. 

"Goodnight Dean." Cas called just before closing his window and curtains. 

"Night Cas." Dean spoke much more softly, more to himself than the blue eyed boy across the way. Dean sat at his window for a lot longer, staring at the stars and wondering if they ever have to worry about anything.

Monday morning rolled around, and Cas was this close to smashing his bathroom mirror. He had been standing at the sink for over half an hour but could not for the life of him get the makeup to work over his bruise, it would just look like paint, or the bruise would still show through. He sighed in frustration and pulled out his phone, electing to text Dean for help. To Castiels surprise, he replied straight away.

\--I'll be right there.

Cas just sat on top of his toilet seat and waited, the front door was unlocked and Dean knew where his room is. Two minutes later there was a hesitant knock at his bedroom door and Cas called out to come in. Dean appeared in his bathroom doorway, wearing a light gray, short sleeved Henley and blue jeans with his trusty riders boots and the pendant necklace Cas had never seen him without. He gave Cas a shy, lopsided smile before gesturing to the mess of foundation on the countertop.

"You get any on your face?" He asked with a smirk.

"I can't get it to cover the bruise properly without looking painted on. I don't know how girls do this shit."

"You know it's not that bad really, you might be able to get away with nothing at all."

"No, you know school policy. The first teacher to see it is gonna ask questions and push the issue. Then Zach will get suspended and he'll come after me for real next time. I don't have time for that I need to get my grades up."

"Dude your grades are perfect."

"They need to be better than perfect if I'm gonna get into a decent college."

Dean huffed another laugh. "Alright man, fair enough. Here, I brought this with me."

Dean pulled a tiny pottle of orange gunk from his pocket.

"What is that?"

"It's called concealer. You use it under the foundation for the really dark bruising. Evens the colour out."

Cas tried not to laugh as Dean stood over him, gently smearing a tiny amount of the bright gunk over his bruise.

"Where did you even learn all this?"

"Youtube dude. You can learn anything on there. And, well. You know what my dad is like. If people interfere Sammy could end up in the foster system. I can't let that happen, you know?"

"Yes, I understand. And for what it's worth, I'm sorry."

Cas looked up and caught Deans eyes as he said it, trying to show his sincerity at the sentiment. He had ears, and knew well enough what Deans dad was like. He also knew Dean would burn the world down to protect his little brother Sam, so a little makeup here and there to keep up the illusion for everyone else was no big deal. Dean held Castiels gaze for a moment as he finished dabbing the orange stuff, studying him like he was looking for the lie. When he couldn't find it, he simply nodded in gratitude and picked up what was left of the foundation, rinsing the sponge under the tap water and ringing it out. It took him only five minutes of constant light dabbing over Castiels cheek before he stood up straight, satisfied with his work. 

"Alright, check it out."

Cas got off the toilet seat and checked his face in the mirror. He had to lean in and look closer because the bruise had disappeared, completely gone and what was there just looked like skin, you couldn't tell at all it was perfectly blended makeup, nobody would look twice at it. 

"Dean that's amazing!"

"Nah, it's okay. No-one will be able to tell and that's the important thing. Just remember not to rub or wipe your face, and don't get it wet."

"I don't know what to say."

"It's the least I can do after walking away from you on Friday. Are we cool?"

"Yes, of course we are. Thank you."

Cas went to hand back all of Dean products but Dean shook his head.

"You'll need them for the rest of the week dude, you think you'll be able to do it yourself now?"

"I think I can manage, I'll return them to you Friday."

"Cool. I guess I'll see you at school then."

"See you."

Dean nodded and ducked out of Castiels room, Cas listened to him taking the stairs two at a time and closing the front door behind him. Nobody at school noticed his bruise or the makeup, and after replicating Deans technique as best his could, nobody noticed it the rest of the week either. Friday morning came and Cas found he didn't even have to use the makeup before school, it had faded beyond the sickly yellow to so pale it was barely noticeable, and easily explainable by way of an errant door if asked. Instead Castiel packed the makeup away in his backpack to return it to Dean at school. Cas had no intention of going to Deans house on a Friday evening after all, that was when John Winchester was always the loudest, and Cas didn't want to be there to witness it first hand. 

Castiel almost made it out scot-free. Almost. He hadn't seen Dean in either of the two classes they shared, so when the bell rang at three o'clock Cas decided he'd just have to find him on Saturday instead. As he made his way towards the tree line however he heard Zach's nasally voice call out behind him. Castiels blood ran cold to find himself alone with Zach and his cringworthy smirk, Zachariah was captain of the football team, even though Dean was a better player than him, his parents were filthy rich and donated excessive contributions to the school. Those contributions came with perks for their special boy. Some of those perks included Zach feeling like he could do whatever the hell he wanted with zero consequences. He was easily the biggest bully in the school and Cas had no idea why he had suddenly decided to make Castiel his new favorite target. Cas thought it best to just confront this asshole face on, get it over with as it were.

"What do you want Zach?"

"I like your backpack Casteel."

"It's Castiel."

"I don't care."

"It's Friday dude, just give it a rest. Go home to your Xbox or whatever."

"I don't think you heard me. I want. Your. Backpack."

Zach stepped forward and Cas braced himself for the blow. It didn't make it hurt any less, at least this one was to the gut, so there wouldn't be a bruise to cover up. As Cas bent over to catch the wind knocked from his lungs, Zach got behind him and tore the bag from his shoulders, unzipping and upending all the contents into the dirt. Cas' multiple books fell out and Cas winced as they hit the ground at off angles, hoping none were damaged. A few pens followed, along with his phone, his wallet, house keys... and Deans makeup. Zach's eyes blew wide when he saw the products, his eyebrows shot skyward and he balked a horrible laugh.

"You're a fucking queer?!" 

His laughter increased until he was doubled over with it, Cas used the chance to gather everything back in the bag, but he wasn't quick enough to get away. Zach threw the bag away and grabbed Cas by the collar, kneeing him in the stomach twice. When Cas fell to his knees Zach landed a punch squarely on his jaw, Cas' teeth rattled and for a moment he was worried they would fall out. Just as Zach's fist reeled back for another hit, a familiar voice rang out from the school front door.

"Hey! What the hell are you doing?!"

Cas felt relief and hope wash over him as Dean ran up to Zach and pulled him away, even shoving him to step between the bully and Castiel. 

"What am I doing? What are you doing?! This guys a fucking fag Dean, he deserves to have his ass kicked."

"I don't give a crap what he is, you're gonna leave him alone understand?" 

"Or what?" Zach stepped up to Dean and met his gaze challengingly.

"Or I'll stop throwing my games and show the coach just how good I really am."

Zach scoffed, "It doesn't matter. They'll never replace me, my parents made sure of it."

"Maybe not. But any college scouts that come to the games will notice. They're not stupid Zach, they know talent where they see it and I'll make damn sure they're not looking at you when they do."

Zach hesitated, his gaze wavering as Dean stared him down. Finally, Zach sneered and locked Castiel with a cold look.

"This isn't over faggot."

Castiel and Dean both watched him stomp away like a tantruming child, get into his shiny Volvo and peel away down the street. It wasn't until the car had completely disappeared that they both let out a sigh of relief, Dean turning and offering a hand to help Cas up. 

"You didn't have to do that." Cas said, not looking Dean in the eye.

"Yeah, I did. Even if last week hadn't happened, that was uncalled for."

"Well, thank you. And uh, here." Cas looked around to ensure they were alone and fished the makeup products from his bag, handing them over.

"You know you probably could have avoided that beating if you had just told him they were mine."

"And where's the honour in that?" Cas looked genuinely perplexed that Dean would suggest such a thing and it took Dean back a little. 

"Well, anyway, I think that hit to your jaw was pretty piss poor. Won't know for sure for a few hours yet, but I think you might be fine with that one."

"I hope so. Anyway, I should get going." Cas turned to start walking his usual path through the trees when Dean placed a heavy hand on his shoulder.

"Cas wait. Hey man, at least let me give you a ride home."

Cas hesitated for a moment, but who was he kidding? Deans car was awesome, and deep down he had been wanting to take a ride in it for ages.

"Okay."

"Yeah? Cool, come on."

Dean led him to his big black beast parked in the school lot, one of the only cars left at this time besides a few teachers. Cas couldn't help smiling as he slid into the passenger side.

"What?" Dean asked.

"Nothing, it's just... It's a beautiful car. I've admired it for a long time." 

Cas held Deans gaze a moment longer than necessary, and Dean held it right back. Cas could almost swear a slight blush might have run up Deans cheeks, but he forced a small laugh and turned the ignition, putting his trademark cool charm on instead. Traveling Riverside Blues started playing automatically through the stereo and Dean turned the volume up to be heard over the loud rumble of the muscle engine. Cas couldn't help but start singing along to the familiar song, Dean always played his music loudly in his room, often with the window open and by extension, Cas, who spent all his time in own room, had learned the words to pretty much all of Deans music. He didn't mind, Dean had good taste.

By the time they pulled into Deans driveway, they were both carelessly singing at the top of their lungs, Cas doing the air guitar since Dean had his hands on the wheel. They were laughing and grinning like idiots when Dean turned the engine off, his eyes watering from laughter. 

"Oh man, I haven't that much fun in a while."

"Bullshit. I haven't had that much fun, probably ever. You have friends, and a girlfriend."

"Yeah who all trash my car and hate my music. Lisa always makes me listen to that new pop crap."

"You almost sound like you don't like them."

Dean stared off into space for a moment, like Cas had stumbled upon a truth he was unwilling to share, or even admit to himself. Soon enough though the cool charmer was back, the mask he wore for the world slipping into place with practised ease. 

"Anyway, I was thinking, if you wanted to, we could make this a regular thing."

"You want to drive me home every day?"

"And in the morning, if you wanted. It's not like you're out of the way or anything, and I'd feel better now that Zach is probably on the war path."

The reminder of what Zachariah had said and done earlier dampened Castiels mood considerably. Then again, the chance to ride with Dean twice a day was too good to pass up. He fixed Dean with a warm stare and small smile.

"Okay. Thank you."

"No problem."

Cas nodded and reached for the door handle, freezing when he felt Deans hand on his shoulder. Cas looked back and saw Dean opening and closing his mouth, like he was looking for the right words to say what he wanted to say.

"Cas, I just want you to know, that if what Zach said about you is true, I don't care. I'm cool with it, and he's an asshole."

Cas didn't know what to say, so he just nodded and forced a small smile before exiting the car and all but running inside his house next door. Cas dumped his things at his desk and quickly drew his curtains, leaving the windows open and the thin material waving gently in the light breeze. He needed to decompress after everything that happened that afternoon and he couldn't have Dean seeing him. Cas collapsed on the bed and ran his hands through his hair, trying to make sense of all the emotions mixed with the physical ache he was now being tormented with. A couple minutes later though, he heard the distinct opening riff of You Shook Me All Night Long by ACDC wafting through his open window. Cas smiled.


	2. So Close, Yet So Far

Castiel spent the weekend like normal, doing homework and playing video games and watching TV. He text Kevin a lot, his best friend. Kevin was his only friend really, while Cas had a friend group, he never really felt like he fit in, neither did Kevin, which is why they always stuck together. Cas told him all about what had happened with Zach and Dean, and Kevin had a hard time believing that Dean wasn't just screwing with him. 

\--I know you're just looking out for me, but trust me, he's okay.  
\--okay dude, I spose you would know better than me. Just be careful k?  
\--promise. Thanks Kev.

Cas tried everything he could to get what Dean had said in the car out of his head. Cas has to admit that what Zach had called him friday, on some level, hurt. But why would it hurt if there wasn't any truth to it? There had already been rumours floating around a couple of years ago about Cas, since nobody had ever seen him with a girlfriend, or even kiss a girl for that matter. There was a time when he was twelve, playing spin the bottle at a party, and he had to kiss a girl. He couldn't even remember her name or what she looked like, and that wasn't normal was it? Most people remember their first kiss, because it's supposed to be this amazing thing where your heart beats from your chest and your hands get all sweaty and it means you're not an kid anymore. But Cas had felt nothing. 

Even Hannah, a girl in Cas' friend group who was always flirting with him, made him slightly uncomfortable sometimes. Hannah was a pretty girl too, Cas could see that, he could see a few other guys making heart eyes at her, but he never felt a spark, or felt the need to be closer to her. When he was singing and laughing in the Impala with Dean though? When Dean shoved Zach away and stood over Cas protectively? When Dean had been in his bathroom and was touching Cas' face so gently, Cas had felt something. He had felt warmth brew from his belly into his chest and make his heart beat slightly faster. He felt his head get a little lighter and a slight shiver run down his spine. 

Castiel had avoided for years bringing these things to the forefront of his mind, because if he let himself believe it, then what? His choices were either live alone, live a lie, or be disowned by his hyper religious family. What kind of choices were those? So he hadn't thought about it. But now he was about to be closer with Dean than he ever had been, Dean, with his addictive smile and contagious laugh and give a damn attitude. Dean with his soft heart and kind eyes and never ending courage. 

When these thoughts clouded Castiels mind so much he couldn't even pay attention to the book he was reading, he gave up and threw the book aside, shoving a pillow over his face and groaning into it in frustration. It was Sunday, it was sweltering with heat despite the fact it was already at the later half of sunset, and Cas couldn't get out of his own head. He decided an early shower might do the trick, a cold one just to cool off. So Cas went to his bathroom and stripped off, squeaking a little indignantly when he stepped under the cold water, but soon melting into the relief it brought his overheated body. Cas did all his best thinking in the shower, something about the privacy of it made it feel safer, even though thoughts were always private, he felt better about expressing them to himself when he was naked in a glass box being drenched with water. Nobody ever said it was a practical thing. 

As he stood there, his hands leaning against the tiled wall and the water running over his face, he thought about his options. Either he could admit what he knew to be true, and act on it, he could admit it to himself and try to keep it all under control anyway, or he could keep it all buried and stay in his closet that was getting less and less cosy.

Cas was in there for an hour thinking. He thought about how Dean would react if he came out, which he trusted wouldn't be badly, after what Dean had said in the car. But he still wouldn't be able to actually come on to Dean, who was straight. He'd ruin any friendship they might have had. At the same time, Dean was no saint. He had gotten into trouble at school for fighting before, and whenever his friends had been involved he had been a part of bullying other kids. Dean on his own was wonderful, but Cas didnt think he could trust his biggest secret, one that had the very real potential to ruin his life, with someone who was always so back and forth. If his parents found out he'd be on the street tomorrow, no doubt. 

So while coming out might be out of the question, Cas also had to admit he couldn't keep it from himself anymore either. He'd go insane. He'd give himself psychological issues down the track, or end up blurting something to his parents in a fight, or losing control and try to kiss Dean or something equally stupid. If he let himself accept his own sexuality, he might have some modicum of control over it, maybe even enough to prevent developing a crush on Dean. 

Cas let out a huge sigh and turned off the water, drying himself and pulling on a pair of boxers. He stared at himself in the mirror for a minute and made himself say it, just in his head, he wasn't ready to say it out loud yet. My name is Castiel Novak, and I am gay. He said to himself in his head over and over until he was smiling, giggling at himself in the mirror like an idiot. By the time he stepped back into his room he felt so much better. Like a huge weight had lifted and allowed everything to slide into place. He felt comfortable in his own skin in a way he never had before. He might still carry the burden of secrecy, but he could be honest with himself now. And that in itself was amazing. 

Cas turned the light on, not realizing how late it had gotten during his bathroom epiphany break. He looked around at the mess his room had become over the weekend and decided that was no way to start his Monday, going around and tidying up all the rubbish and laundry and dishes laying around, straightening his books and putting his game cases back in order. When he was done he was so emotionally exhausted he decided to just turn the lights out and play some soft rock and roll quietly through his iPod speaker, collapsing on top of the blankets. He left his window and curtains open to drive away the heat, not realizing he had left them open the entire time. He was completely oblivious to Dean who had seen him emerge from the bathroom in just his boxers and couldn't look away while Cas bent and crouched and moved around his room the last ten minutes. He had no idea that he was causing an internal crisis for Dean too, who was staring open mouthed at Castiel stretched out and half naked on the bed only a few feet away.

Monday morning had Cas trying to contain his smile as he bounded down the stairs and crossed the lawn to Deans house. Just as he raised his fist to knock on the door it swung open, Dean was standing on the other side in a blue Star Wars T-shirt that hugged him enticingly along with his faded jeans and well used back pack. 

"Hey Cas! I was just about to come get you. Ready?"

"Yes, I'm good to go."

"Awesome, we just gotta drop Sammy first okay?"

"Not a problem."

"Come on princess let's go!" 

Dean called in mock aggrivation into the house behind him. Seconds later his little brother Sam appeared, disgruntled and frowning.

"I'm ready dickwad, you're the one who spent all morning getting ready."

"Shut it rugrat and get in the damn car, the backseat, Cas is riding with us from now on."

They all climbed in and took off for Sam's school, he was thirteen and didn't start highschool until next year. 

"Hey Cas."

"Hello Sam, how are you?"

"I'd be fine if this jerk wasn't keeping me up all night."

"I did not keep you up all night." Dean protested, Sam ignored him and kept talking to Cas.

"He was on the phone for hours to his stupid girlfriend. They started fighting and I couldn't sleep through it, we're lucky dad did."

"You and Lisa were fighting?" Cas asked gently.

"Yeah, no big deal, happens all the time." Dean shrugged.

"Yeah cause she's a bitch." Sam pouted.

"Hey! Enough! She's still my girlfriend Sam, a little respect please."

"I'll give it when she deserves it." 

Dean gripped the steering wheel tighter but didn't reply, pulling up at Sam's school a few minutes later. Sam got out and slammed his door shut without saying a thing, neither did Dean. When they got back on the road Cas felt like breaking the tension, the only way he knew how, by being an idiot.

"Well, that was awkward." Cas said. Dean came out of his daydream and shifted uncomfortably. 

"Yeah, sorry about that man. Sammy doesn't really have that sense of a time and a place yet you know?"

"That's okay. I was more concerned about you, is everything okay?"

"You mean with Lisa?"

"Yeah."

"To be honest, not really. I called her last night cause I just, wanted to talk, you know? And uh, a guy answered the phone."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"There's no way it was something innocent?"

"She has no siblings and lives with her single mom, so no. She tried to make excuses, then when that didn't work she tried justifying it, then she started crying. She got me there."

"You make it sound like this isn't the first time something like this has happened."

"Yeah, well. I shouldn't be laying all this stuff on you man I'm sorry."

"No, its okay. I don't mind. I just don't have any insight into these sorts of problems."

"Seriously? A guy like you never...?" Dean raised his eyebrows suggestively.

"What's that supposed to mean?" 

"Nothing dude I just- never mind. Let's just drop it."

They sat in silence for the rest of the ride, things now even more awkward than before. Cas internally scolded himself for his total lack of social grace. How did he manage to screw up so badly so quickly? He'd be lucky now if he ever got to ride with Dean again. They pulled up to the school and parked only a little from the entrance, walking up to the main door in sync. Cas felt a small warmth that Dean was apparently not ashamed to be seen with him.

"Alright man, I'll meet you back here at three, cool?"

"Sounds good."

"Later."

Dean spotted Lisa and his friends down the hall and took off to catch up with them, Cas sighed and found Kevin waiting for him at his locker.

"So?" Kevin asked as Cas sorted the books he'd need before lunch.

"So what?"

"How'd it go?"

"It... could have been worse." It really could not have been much worse.

"That's all? That's all you got for me?"

"He was sarcastic and I was prying, I guess neither of us felt like being decent people today."

"You don't have to ride with him you know."

"I know. I want to."

"You're a masochist you know that?"

"What makes you say that?" Cas huffed a laugh.

"Come on Castiel, I'm not blind. I've seen the way you look at him sometimes. Spending all this time with him when you know he's straight? It's asking for trouble."

Cas nearly dropped all his stuff, he just stared at Kevin open mouthed before quickly looking around to make sure no one else had heard. Finally he set his eyes firmly back on Kevin who was calmly waiting for a response. 

"Whatever you think, is not true."

The bell rang.

"Sure Cas, whatever you say." Kevin didn't sound even the slightest bit convinced as he shouldered his bag and walked away to his first class. Cas fumbled with the last of his things before jogging to his own class, head reeling with shock and near panic. He was certain his best friend wouldn't give him away, but he would have to be much more careful from now on.

Cas slogged through the rest of the day and was glad of the distraction the work provided, he tried not to look at the clock during last period, attempting to push down the small thrill threatening his gut at the thought of riding with Dean again. He wasn't allowed to think like that, Kevin was right, it was cruel to himself. Dean was just a friend, and barely that. Cas forced himself to move with no more haste than usual, straining his legs to move at a leisurely pace down the halls to his locker where he grabbed his homework and walked just as slowly out the front doors and over to Deans car. 

He clenched his chest and locked his jaw to prevent the stupidly big grin that bubbled to the surface when he saw Dean leaning against the driver side door waiting for him. But then Dean looked up and saw him, and Dean smiled, and there is not a person on earth with the willpower to resist that smile. So Cas smiled back, and he felt like an idiot. 

"Some one had a good day." Dean remarked as they both climbed inside.

"Actually it was very normal."

"Then why the highbeams?"

"I had a good night, I'm still kind of riding that high."

"Yeah? What was so good about it?" Dean started the engine and turned onto the street, headed for both their homes. 

"I made some long overdue decisions that have... lightened my mental load, so to speak."

"Right, yeah I get it."

"Really?"

"Yeah man. Everyone's got crap you know? Good for you for sorting through it. I don't think most adults have figured how to do that yet."

"And you?"

"What about me?"

"Have you sorted your crap?"

"Come on man. My parents are assholes, I have to wear makeup like a fucking girl to protect my little brother, and I can't just break up with a chick who treats me like dirt. My friends all suck so hard the only person I can actually be myself around is my weird neighbour. That sound like someone with their crap sorted to you?"

"...You think I'm weird?"

Dean paused, looked at Cas for a moment before he had to bring his eyes back to the road, then Cas couldn't hold it in anymore and burst out laughing. As soon as he did Dean followed suit, laughing with a wide grin and shaking his head. 

"Man, what is wrong with me?" Dean huffed through his laughing.

"Nothing is wrong with you Dean. Well. Your desire to remain around people you don't actually like is a little disturbing. But other than that, I find your loyalty to your brother admirable."

"...Really?"

"Yes. God knows I never had that with Anna."

"I don't remember her that well but I'm sure she's not that bad."

"We love each other, we have to. But we don't like each other, we never get along. And she never made the effort, like you said, I'm weird. She couldn't wait to leave home and I barely hear from her now."

"Well if it's any consolation, I think you're pretty cool."

Cas laughed, they pulled into Deans driveway. 

"Are we not picking up Sam?"

"Nah, he has extra curricular crap almost every night, he gets a ride home after with one of the other kids."

Dean sighed as he looked depressingly at his front door, it was pretty clear he didn't want to go inside. Cas wondered if Sam had so many extra curriculars to purposely stay out of the house, and away from their dad, for as long as possible each day. Which left Dean alone with him to take the brunt of his drunken temper. If Cas knew Dean, he had probably made Sam do it himself, sign up for something after school for as many days as he could, to keep him safe. Suddenly Cas couldn't stand the idea of Dean going inside that house.

"Hey, you wanna go somewhere?"

Dean whirled around with a confused frown.

"What do you mean?"

"You remember that time we climbed that huge willow tree in the woods?"

"...Oh yeah! I was crying and went up there to hide, you climbed up too to make me feel better but you slipped on a branch and fell."

"Yeah, I broke my arm."

"And we ran back here and I put you on my handle bars and we rode all the way to the hospital. Man my dad was so pissed, he had no idea where I was. I can't even remember why I was crying."

"It was because Sam had just been born and your mom had to go away for work again, she had to Sam with her and you didn't want him to go, you were already so protective of him."

"You remember that?"

"I remember a lot. So, you want to go see if the tree is still there?"

"I'd actually love to, I really would Cas, but I gotta be here when Sammy gets home to make him dinner and get dad to bed. Maybe another time?"

"Sure, no problem."

Dean gave Cas a sad smile and got out of the car, Cas quickly did the same. 

"See you in the morning." Cas called as Dean walked up his front path. Dean just waved without turning around and disappeared behind his front door. Cas made his way sadly inside and sat at his desk, feeling completely useless and drained, for once having zero motivation to do his homework. Except that his homework was a step closer to better grades, and better grades were a step closer to college, and college was his escape plan. The sooner he got the fuck out the better, so Cas gritted his teeth and set to work, sighing as he opened his first textbook. 

He actually made himself have dinner that night, since he skipped it on Sunday. They held hands as his father led them in a prayer before tucking in to some store bought meatloaf and salad. His mother Naomi and father Dick were both busy people, Naomi a senior lawyer at a law firm further into the city and Dick the CEO at the hospital, neither of them ever cooked. Cas wasn't sure they knew how. His mother had an office in town where she usually worked late but once a week or so she would have to travel the half hour into the city for work and come back the next day, and his father probably slept at his office more than he did at home, so neither of them were around a whole hell of a lot. Even when they were around, they grilled Cas about his grades, complained that he wasn't involved in any sports, then ignored him the rest of the time. 

Cas didn't mind though, he liked being alone. He liked having privacy and solitude so he could recharge from being around all the people at school all the time. Even if he never interacted with anyone he found it so exhausting to just be around so many people all the damn time, and he needed to recharge to be able to get up and do it again. Suffice it to say Cas was pretty self sufficient at this point in life, and he tried not cringe as he bit into the dry mealoaf, knowing damn well he could have cooked something ten times better. 

After dinner Cas excused himself back to his room and went straight to his shower, feeling all the bullshit of the day wash off his back in the soapy water along with the sweat and dirt. His mind drifted to thoughts of Dean, how he had looked throwing his head back and laughing, how it had made heat pool low in Cas' gut when Dean had fixed him with those green eyes. Cas' hand drifted automatically to his cock, which was already half mast and growing quickly. Cas breathed out a stuttered sigh as he began stroking gently, but when his imagination conjoured images of Dean touching him instead, he snapped out of it, letting go of his aching shaft and quickly turning the shower dial to cold. 

Cas gritted his teeth as the water turned freezing and made his skin break out in goosebumps. He forced himself to stay under until he was soft again though, only warming it a little when he was satisfied his dick wouldn't betray him again and climbing out all together soon after. He was supposed to be avoiding a crush on Dean, that was difficult enough as it was without letting himself jack off to thoughts of him. Besides, they were supposed to be friends, Cas felt like he would be violating Deans trust by acting on impulses born of feelings beyond friendship that Dean did not share. 

Instead, Cas ignored his blue balls and slipped on a clean pair of boxers, turning off his light, and selecting Pearl Jam on his iPod dock. He lay down on top of his blankets again because of that god awful heat and snuggled down into his pillows. A minute later he heard Deans voice through his open window above his head.

"Cas!" 

Dean was somehow trying to yell quietly, or whisper loudly? Cas wasn't sure. He crawled onto his knees and leaned his hands on the window sill, Dean was sitting half on his sill and half on the bed, just staring off into space.

"Hey, what's up?" Cas asked.

"You think you could turn that up just a little? I love his album."

"Yeah, sure." Cas turned back to his iPod and clicked the volume up a few times.

"That okay?" 

"Yeah man, that's good. Thanks."

Cas smiled, but Dean wasn't looking at him, he just kept staring at nothing. That was when Cas spotted the bruise on Deans cheekbone, it took him a moment to see it properly because of the dark and the distance, but it was clear as day. Cas couldn't just leave Dean alone like that.

"Hey Dean?"

"Yeah."

"Tell me about the Impala."

Deans eyebrows shot up and a grin spread over his face. 

"Seriously? Didn't think you were a cars guy Cas."

"I'm not. But she's a beautiful machine. She deserves talking about."

"God that's so true."

Dean finally met Cas' eyes and huffed a laugh, Cas smiling at having broken Dean from his stupor. They spent the next three hours talking about the car, and cars in general. Both boys felt much more content going to sleep when they finally did, looking forward to their drive in the morning.


	3. Breaking Dams

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry guys quickly renamed this chapter because reasons.

The remainder of the week went pretty much the same way, dropping Sam in the mornings, parting ways during the day, and carpool kareoke on the way home. On Tuesday and Thursday they sat at their open windows again and chatted for hours into the night about movies. Wednesday was Sam's only curricular free day and Dean dropped Castiel home before going to get Sam and staying out with him until after dinner. There was shouting coming the house that night, and the nexy day Cas couldn't help but notice Dean wincing every time he had to get in and out of the car or bend down to get his bag. He suspected that under his T-shirt was a bruise the size of John Winchesters boot.

Friday afternoon went a little differently. 

The three o'clock bell rang and Cas had a small grin glued to his face as he grabbed his homework for the weekend, much more than usual, filling his bag heavily. Next week would be the last week before summer break, nine whole days with no school. Still, his AP classes demanded they keep working for all that extra credit, but Cas had intention of working through his break, he planned on putting his nose to the grindstone during their last week and getting all the assignments done on top of his normal homework, leaving his entire break free to play video games and hang out with Kevin. 

He slung both straps over his shoulders to account for the extra weight and trudged to Deans car. When he got there, instead of Dean leaning against his door in his tight T-shirt and golden brown hair, smiling like he hadn't a care in the world, he was looking bored and slightly annoyed as Lisa pressed herself against him and kissed his neck. Cas felt a flare of anger and jealousy light in his chest, but he pushed it away. She was Deans girlfriend, he couldn't show any of his jealousy on his face, he had to reel it in. Cas approached them carefully, glad that Dean noticed him before he had to clear his throat or something equally awkward to interrupt. 

"Cas! Hey man, I was just about to text you, um, I can't give you a ride today." Dean pushed Lisa away when he saw Cas, Lisa was miffed and looked at Cas down her nose like he was a piece of gum stuck to her shoe.

"That's okay. I'll just see you on Monday."

"Yeah, see you."

Deans face expressed how sorry he was, so Cas just left it alone and turned back to the woods to make his walk home. By the time he arrived home, his shoulders and back were burning from the weight of his bag and he had to practically peel it off, along with his clothes which were soaked with sweat from the heat and the hike. Cas had his shower and turned it up hotter than usual, massaging his shoulders under the heat to try and ease some of the tension. When he was satisfied he would still be able to move his arms tomorrow he stepped out and slipped on some clean boxers as always, trotting downstairs in his empty house to find some left over lasagne he made the night before. Cas heated a plateful in the microwave and ate it there in the kitchen, watching YouTube on his phone while he ate. 

When he finished he washed his dishes, then set to work on his chores. Since he was the only one living in the house most of the time his parents expected him to keep it clean, Cas usually chose a Friday night to do this since his homework could wait until Saturday and it meant he didn't have to spend his weekend doing chores. He bleached down both the bathrooms and the kitchen, put the laundry through the wash and dryer, changed the bedding over on both beds, vacuumed, dusted, and straightened. By the time he was done it was late, nearly eleven. 

Castiel went back upstairs and turned his iPod on, finding a random playlist of songs and pressing play, snuggling down on the bed and trying to fall asleep. Minutes later he heard Deans car rumble into the driveway, and just like that sleep was impossible. The thoughts of Dean he had been pushing away all week started bubbling to the surface. Without meaning to, Cas' dick started to swell, and he strained with the effort of not touching it. He hadn't touched himself for so long now, simply because he couldn't without thoughts of Dean springing to mind. He thought he could get through it, but then in a show of terrible timing, the song changed. It started playing one that was slow and sexy, it had a raunchy beat and it broke Cas' mental dam. 

Cas shed his boxers and gripped his aching shaft, groaning with the feeling of finally touching himself again. This time though, he just let the thoughts flow. He let himself think of Dean, of his bright eyes and soft hair and stunning smile. Cas had never seen Dean shirtless but he was on the football team so he imagined he was in shape, at least if his t-shirts were anything to go by. Cas closed his eyes and imagined Dean here, on his bed with him, he imagined Dean kissing down his body, going lower and lower, and smirking that cheeky grin before wrapping his perfect lips around Castiels cock. 

Cas bucked into his own hand, forgetting everything and just letting himself go, moaning a string of incomprehensible noises as loud as he needed to. Because god he needed this, he didn't even realize how badly he needed it until he was already picturing Dean sucking him down and Cas realized there was no stopping this, there was no going back now. Cas stroked himself until he felt that fire burn red hot in the lowest part of his abdomen, his muscles clenched, his balls tightened, he pointed his cock down to avoid getting any mess on himself, and finally the long build released in a electric wave of stars as endorphins flooded Castiels entire body and he came so hard the spend reached the foot of his bed.

The complete relaxation that overcame his body after was like taking morphine, Cas couldn't move a single muscle, and didn't even try to. He just lay there on his blanket and fell asleep seconds later totally spent. 

Meanwhile, across the way, Lisa had gotten Dean to buy her alcohol with his fake ID, then proceeded to get half way to trashed with him and their friends in a park. Dean didn't drink, because he knew she'd want him to drive her home. But instead of her place she said she wanted to go to his because her mom was being a bitch, something about asking Lisa to get an after school job to help with the bills. Dean crinkled his nose as she whined about it, he hated how much of a spoiled brat she was. 

Alas, he drove her to his place and took her quietly to his room to sleep off the grog. He had her backed up at the foot of his bed, trying to get her to lay down when she dropped to her knees and tore open his belt buckle. Dean wasn't that surprised, Lisa had a healthy sex drive that only got more intense when she drank, and she wasn't smashed enough to not give proper consent, so screw it. A blow job was a blow job. She wrapped her mouth around his cock and Dean moaned quietly at the sensation, the warm and the wet always the best part of it. 

Lisa rocked her head back and forth, holding the base with one hand and putting zero technique into the rest, Dean looked down at her in an attempt to get himself more excited, but even looking down at Lisa's face, her cleavage, didn't help. Lisa was a beautiful girl, and he was an eighteen year old boy, they'd fucked so many times already it shouldn't be this hard to get it up for her. But Dean was struggling. She managed to get him hard eventually and Dean thought it was a good thing she had been drinking or she might have noticed something was wrong. It took several boring minutes for her to build him up and Dean was thinking that maybe he'd actually pull this off. That's when he looked up. 

Through his own window that he hadn't had the chance to cover with the curtains before Lisa took him down, he saw the curtains of Castiels room flap in the wind, for a brief moment they parted just enough to see Cas, naked on his bed, writhing in pleasure as he jacked himself off. Dean felt a jolt of intense pleasure scream through his body, and he knew it was wrong, but it felt so good he stayed with his eyes fixed on those curtains, praying for just one more breeze, just one more glimpse of that beautiful boy. Less than a minute later, but what felt like an eternity for Dean, it happened, the curtains parted again and Dean caught a glimpse of Castiel, head thrown back in pleasure as he was coming, Dean was sure he could even hear his voice moaning. That was all it took and Dean grabbed Lisa's face and pulled her off his cock before he came on the floor. 

Lisa giggled and used the end of Deans T-shirt to wipe the spit off her face before climbing on the bed and stretching out, taking up all the space and falling asleep straight away. Dean was so tired a large part of him wanted to just go downstairs and sleep on the couch. But the thought of having to look Lisa in the eye tomorrow morning was intolerable. So instead, Dean scooped his unconscious girlfriend into the bridal hold and carefully took her downstairs, buckling her back in the Impala passenger seat, and drove her home. He knocked on her front door and lo and behold her mom answered in her robe and slippers, she clearly hadn't slept, waiting for Lisa to get home.

"Dean! Where's Lisa? Is she okay?"

"She's fine Miss Braeden, she had a bit to drink and she fell asleep in my car, can you open her bedroom door for me and I'll carry her in?"

"Yes of course, thank you for bringing her home."

Dean just nodded and went back to his car where he scooped Lisa out again and carried her to her own bed, her room was covered in all the latest fashions and gadgets, courtesy of her rich dad. He had been kicked out when he was caught cheating on her mom and was left constantly spoiling Lisa, trying to buy her love in a way her mom couldn't because she was busy paying the bills and feeding them. Dean often thought Lisa took after her dirtbag father far more than her sweet mother. Dean tried make her comfortable and closed the door behind him.

"You don't think she drank too much do you? She won't need the hospital?" Her mom asked at the front door.

"No, no, nothing like that. She was tired from cheer practice so she didn't drink much it just made her sleepy."

"Okay, thank you again Dean."

"Not a problem ma'am." Dean smiled and turned to leave, but Lisa's mom put a soft hand on his shoulder to stop him.

"Dean, you're a sweet boy. Which is why I think you should really think about what you're doing with Lisa."

Deans face went red and he started to stutter a little.

"Ma'am I promise you we always use protection, every time-"

"No Dean, that's not what I mean, although that's good to know." She chuckled a little and it made Dean smile, despite his confusion.

"Lisa... she reminds me so much of her father. And you, well, you remind me of me. I love Lisa, she's my daughter and I'll do anything for her, nothing will ever change that. But I'm not blind. I know how she treats you, I know what she does, and I'm telling you now, it won't change. She is who she is, and she will only keep hurting you if you stick around. I've been there, I know that from the inside, abuse never feels like abuse, you keep thinking if you just give them another chance, they'll change, you can save them. But you can't. They have to do that for themselves. And you have to think about yourself, do what's best for you. Do you understand?"

Dean was speechless, he couldn't form any words to respond, so he settled for nodding. Miss Braeden smiled and patted him on the shoulder affectionately. 

"Good night Dean."

"Good night ma'am."

Dean walked in a daze back to his car, and likewise drove in a daze home again. He stripped down to his boxers, lay on his bed and thought about what Miss Braeden had said, then he thought about Cas. He thought about football and his grades and what Cas had said about making long overdue decisions that lightened his mental load. Dean considered maybe it was time he made steps towards a similar goal. Dean fell asleep slowly, knowing he had a lot of thinking to do.

Saturday morning Cas scooped up everything he'd need for his AP projects and walked over to Kevin's house. Together, with some help from Kevin's mom Mrs. Tran who Cas was sure was a legitimate genius, they managed to get through all of both their projects they were supposed to do over summer break. By the time they finished it was dinner time and they were both mentally exhausted, so after a text to both his parents, Cas shared dinner with the Trans and settled down in a sleeping bag on Kevin's bedroom floor. 

"So what's been happening with Dean?" Kevin asked as they battled their opponents in Kevin's Halo game. 

"Not a lot." Cas replied.

"Come on man you can talk to me. You've been in a weirdly good mood lately."

"It's weird for me to be happy?"

"A little, yeah. You're kind of a brooder. And it's not a coincidence that the change happened at the same time you started spending more time with Dean."

"Are you jealous?"

"No, you haven't spent any less time with me than you normally would. I'm just looking out."

"Yeah, I know." Cas sighed as he blasted an enemy and jumped over the next wall.

"I have a crush on Dean." Cas admitted. He had never said it out loud, it felt weird on his tongue and in his chest, heavy, like his lungs were trying to hold the words back.

"Oh my god, I had no idea." Kevin sarcastically deadpanned. Cas laughed.

"Asshole. But you're right, he's straight, so I'm just happy to get to be his friend you know?"

"It doesn't hurt?"

"... A little. It's more frustrating than anything, seeing Lisa fall all over him like she does."

"Yeah, him and every other guy on the football team."

"What?"

"What? You didn't know?"

"Dean has implied that he knows she has cheated on him. How did you know about it?"

"I'm assistant coach for the extra cred remember? I get to see her macking onto her guy of the week in the lockers after every game when I go in to clean up." 

"Seriously?"

"Every time man, guaranteed. You'd think she would have learned by now that I have to go down there, guess she doesn't care when I catch them now. One time I actually found her blowing that Gordon guy in the shower room."

"Where was Dean when all this happened?"

"Celebrating with the others I guess, or not, depending on if they won."

Cas couldn't believe it. He wasn't sexist, if Lisa wanted to bang her way through the school, more power to her, that was none of his business. But to do it when she already had a boyfriend? A boyfriend who happened to be Dean? It made Castiel furious. After a few more minutes of blasting through enemy lines with a clenched jaw Cas spoke up again. 

"Hey Kev?"

"Yeah?"

"When's the next game?"

"Friday, right before summer break."

"I think I'm gonna come."

"Again, I'm so surprised." Kevin laughed as Cas raised his eyebrows.

"Hey, helping you get your crush away from their shitty girlfriend is what best friends are for right?" Kevin grinned, Cas grinned right back.

"You're the best dude."

"Yeah, I'm pretty great." Cas shoved Kevin off the bed and they both burst out laughing until Mrs. Tran told them to keep it down. They played until they both fell asleep at their controllers.

Sunday morning Cas gathered his things quickly and whacked Kevin in the gut to wake him up.

"I gotta go, parents will be pissed if I'm late for church."

"Alright, fuck off then."

Cas thanked Mrs. Tran, who was already up and having a coffee, quickly on his way out the door. He walked home and ran straight up to his room to shower and get dressed. Despite the heat his parents didn't let up and made him wear the same suit and tie he always had to wear to church, but they at least didn't make him wear the jacket. It was a small mercy an hour later when Cas was sweating like a pig as he sat in the pew and half listened to the priest drone on. They grabbed some Subway for lunch on the way home and Cas spent the afternoon in his boxers doing his homework. When he finished he watched Family Guy episodes until he couldn't keep his eyes open, then turned the TV off and fell asleep. He hadn't heard from Dean all weekend.

The next week followed much the same as the last, Cas thought that Dean was in a bit of a weird mood though, it was almost like he was nervous? He was a little edgy and wouldn't really look Cas in the eye. Cas wondered if something had happened over the weekend, but he knew better now than to ask. Cas was actually excited for the time off that was on its way, he really needed the break. Friday morning when they pulled up to school Dean looked more nervous than ever.

"Hey Cas?"

"Yes?"

"I was wondering, do you want to come see the game tonight?"

Cas smiled, "I was going to anyway."

"Really? I'm sure I've never seen you there before, football's not really your thing."

"It's not, and I haven't. But it's your thing, and we're friends now so, I figured that's what friends do right?"

"Yeah, yeah I guess you're right."

"Okay, I'll see you later, after the game probably. Good luck."

"Thanks Cas."

Cas gave him a quick smile and got out of the car, walking quickly inside. Dean followed a little slower, having to get a handle on his pulse that quickened when Cas smiled at him the way he did. Dean had decided over the weekend that if his life was going to improve, he would have to take control and do it himself. His dad he could nothing about at the moment, he was still unwilling to let Sammy fall into foster care, and the kid had five more years of dependance before he could get away, so that was just a waiting game. 

As for Cas, well Cas was the only real friend Dean had ever had, and he wasn't about to screw that up by doing something stupid. He needed a lot more time to figure out this sexuality bullshit before making a move on anyone. Which brought things to Lisa. Because one way or another, no matter how much blame or screaming or pleading or crying went on tonight, Dean was leaving that game single. He was done being a doormat. 

And tonight he had an advantage that none of the others had, one of Sam's school friends had an uncle who was a scout for Kansas University. He had scholarship spots open, and he was coming to the game. So Dean had already settled it in his mind, fuck the coach, fuck the principal, fuck Zach and his parents money. Dean was going to play like a godamn star tonight and there was nothing they could do about it. And Cas was going to be there to see it. Because as determined as Dean was, it was Castiels words that had pushed him to make these changes in his life, and in a way, Cas had unwittingly become like Deans rock. He was stone number one for Dean to build on and he felt like being able to see Cas in those stands was going to really help solidify his resolve if he got nervous. 

So Dean went about his day as normal, having lunch with his friends, sitting through class, tolerating Lisa, knowing all of it was about to change for the better.


	4. Violation

The hour arrived. Dean crouched in line with the rest of his team when he heard Zach call the play code, and they began. Dean was doing well, by half time he was doing so well Zach was glaring daggers, but five minutes into the second half he started feeling off. He was hotter than he ought to be, even in the summer heat and running around in all his gear he should not have been overheating the way he was. Dean kept playing anyway, but soon after that his vision started to blur and he had trouble keeping his balance, it quickly turned into vertigo and when Dean tried to catch the ball he not only missed it by a mile, he fell over and couldn't get back up. 

The coach called a stop and ran onto the field, Dean was quickly surrounded by players wondering what was wrong, they all backed up in a hurry when Dean ripped off his helmet and vomited on the grass. 

"Shit. Winchesters out! Someone come carry him off the field! Only ten minutes to go let's haul ass ladies!" The coach called. Sam and Cas ran forward from the bleachers, taking his weight between them and carrying him to the locker room to clean up. 

"What the hell happened? He wasn't sick earlier today was he?" Sam asked, concern etched all over his features as they took Deans padding off and sat him under a cold shower in his clothes to bring his temperature down. 

"I don't know, I haven't seen him since this morning." Cas replied.

"Damnit. This was his chance too."

"What do you mean?"

"There's a scout from KU in the stands, Dean was gonna play his best game tonight to try and get noticed. Stumbling around like he was on the field, and now this, that's all down the toilet now."

"Damn right it is."

Cas and Sam whirled around to see Zach grinning horribly at them.

"What did you do?" Cas quickly stepped forward so that he was standing over Sam protectively, he had grown to really like Sam the past weeks, and like hell he'd let Zachariah lay a finger on Deans little brother. 

"Nothing he won't get over. Though his head is gonna hurt like hell tomorrow. Prescription meds that you're not supposed to take will do that."

"You drugged him?!" Cas shouted, his fury boiling like lava.

"You didn't think he was the only one that knew about that scout did you? Like I was going to let him snatch my chance away? Please. You fags can suck my dick since that's what you love to do so much."

Cas couldn't hold it in anymore. He charged. Either Cas was way stronger than he thought he was or Zach was truely not expecting it because Cas landed a single solid hit to Zach's nose, he felt the bone break and give way beneath his fist, then Zach was on his ass, cradling his nose now pissing down with blood and crying like a baby. 

"You can't fucking do that!" Zach screamed at him.

"I think I just fucking did." Castiels voice was far more level than he'd expected it to be, if anything it was lower, rougher, frightening. His heart was pounding so hard his chest hurt, his hands shaking with adrenaline. 

"My parents are gonna hear about this!"

"Tell them. I don't care. I look forward to the entire school hearing about how you drugged Dean because you knew he was better than you, and cried like a baby when you couldn't take a punch from skinny, weak, Castiel Novak."

Zach snarled in unbridled fury.

"I'm gonna kill you!"

"No, you won't. Because if you come anywhere near me, or Dean or Sam, or anyone we know for that matter, we'll make damn sure you never play football again. Understand?" 

Zach snarled some more so Sam stepped forward and landed a solid kick right to Zach's nuts. Zach cried out and suddenly the hands cradling his face were now cradling his crotch, getting his white football pants smeared with blood in a way that Sam found amusing with his thirteen year old sense of humour. 

"Understand?!" Cas said a little firmer.

"Yes! God just stop please!"

"Come on Sam, we better get Dean home." 

The boys turned the shower off and shouldered Dean between them again, wincing as they also got partially drenched from holding him. Cas took the brunt of his weight while Sam grabbed Deans duffel bag and together they moved as fast as Cas could manage to the parking lot. Sam fished Deans keys from his bag and unlocked the car, holding the back door open so Cas could dump his heavy friend in as gently as possible. Without saying a word Cas took the keys and slipped into the drivers seat, starting the engine up as Sam got in the back with Dean and buckled them both in.

Minutes later they were parking up at the hospital and they took Dean in together, Sam ended up filling out Deans paperwork while Cas explained to the nurse checking Dean over what happened. 

"He was drugged, someone slipped something in his drink but we don't know what it was."

"You did the right thing bringing him in, we'll do a blood test and see what we're dealing with."

"Thank you, uh..."

"Tessa."

"Thank you Tessa. Is it okay if we stay?" 

"Are you family?"

"This is his brother, I'm just a friend."

"That's okay for now, what about a guardian?" She asked Sam.

"Our dad won't be available right away." Cas cringed internally at how practised that sounded, like Sam and Dean had said it a hundred times before. They probably had. 

"Alright then, I'll just get this blood on its way. He needs to be put in some dry clothes before he really does need a hospital, good thing it's summer or he might have hypothermia by now."

"Sorry, we thought we were doing the right thing, trying to bring his temperature down."

"Oh don't worry you did, but now he's here and we keep the rooms cold so he needs dry clothes. Are you comfortable with that? Otherwise I can bring in an orderly..."

"No it's fine, we can handle it. I think he'd rather we do it than a stranger."

"Okay then, there's a set of hospital clothes in that drawer over there, I'll give you some privacy."

Tessa smiled warmly and left them to it. Cas found some blue hospital clothes in the drawer, the kind that tied up at the back and were very undignified when walking. Cas hesitated as Sam pulled his brother forward and gripped the hem of his shirt.

"Sam, wait."

"What? What's the matter?"

"Are... Are you able to do this alone?"

"Why?"

"I don't think Dean would be comfortable with me doing this, and if I'm honest, neither am I."

"Um... Okay... Well I've done this a hundred times on dad when he's passed out drunk and he's way heavier than Dean so I should be fine on my own."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah I'm cool, you go grab a coffee or something."

"Thank you Sam."

"No problem."

Cas left the clothes on the end of the bed and walked out, making for the elevator to the offices upstairs. Sam was tall for his age, but he was still only a kid, Cas had wondered how he had been strong enough to help him with Deans weight and now he knew. It was a good thing really, if Cas ever got to see Dean undressed he couldn't have it be like that, with Dean out cold and vulnerable. Sure Cas would be able to remain impartial in such a situation but it still felt wrong, who knows if Dean really did trust him that much? The elevator dinged and Cas stepped into a secretary's office. 

"Hello Rosanne, is my father in?" 

"Hey Castiel, sure thing sweetpea go right on in." She smiled kindly at him and Cas returned the gesture, entering hesitantly into his fathers office. 

"Castiel? What are you doing here?"

"Hey dad, I'm actually here with a friend, they got hurt and I thought I'd let you know that I'll be staying here until they're discharged."

"What friend is this? That Asian kid?"

"Kevin, and no. Its Dean, Dean Winchester."

"Winchester... Doesn't ring a bell."

"Dad they've lived next door for 20 years."

"Have they? Hm. Who knew."

"Well, anyway, I'll leave you to it."

"Make sure you text your mother, let her know too."

"Actually would you mind? If I do it she might think I'm off doing drugs or something. If you say you actually saw me in person I can avoid the argument." 

Dick laughed, "Yes I guess you're right about that. Okay I'll call her now, go back to your friend."

"Thanks dad."

Cas left the room as Dick was dialing Naomi, he got two coffees at the cafeteria and walked slowly back to the room, hoping Sam would be finished when he got there. Sure enough, Sam was sitting in one of the visitor chairs and Dean was decked out in his hospital gown and even tucked into the blanket, still asleep. A big plastic bag with Deans wet clothes sat at Sam's feet and the teenager was playing on his phone. 

"I don't know if thirteen year olds are allowed coffee, but I got one anyway." 

Sam laughed and took the cup from Cas with a thanks. They played on their phones for a couple of hours until they were both too tired to keep their eyes open and fell asleep slumped in their chairs.

The next morning Cas was woken by a gentle tap on the shoulder, Tessa looked down at him softly and smiled.

"Morning sleepy head."

"Mm good morning Tessa. How is Dean?"

"We got his blood work back and Dean will be fine. He injested some expired antibiotics and they did not agree with him at all, but he'll probably be awake soon and we'll give him some pain relief and he can go home."

"That's fantastic, thank you."

"Just doing my job, you're a good friend for staying with him, just buzz me when he wakes up okay?"

Tessa left them to it then and Cas looked over to see both brothers fast asleep, so he took the chance to go to the bathroom and grab Deans clothes from the Impala. When he got back with the duffel though the boys had both woken up and Sam was recounting Dean with everything that had happened. Deans face lit up when Cas walked in and he smiled, even though he was clearly in pain.

"Heya Cas, Sammy tells me you knocked Zach on his ass, that true?"

"I'm happy to say yes, though I think it was more luck than anything."

"Oh I wouldn't say that, all those years of walking to and from school with all those heavy books? Must be stronger than you thought you were."

Dean grinned and Cas smiled shyly, not knowing how to respond to the praise. He held up the duffel bag instead.

"I um, just went out to get your clothes from last night, I'll go get the nurse while you get dressed and she can bring some pain killers for your head."

"Oh thank god, it's goddamn killing me."

Cas laughed and set the bag down on the end of the bed before giving Dean some privacy. A minute later Tessa was going into Deans room while Cas and Sam stood outside waiting. In ten more minutes they were on the road, Cas driving them carefully back to Deans house. When they pulled up Cas offered to help them inside but Dean said he was perfectly capable of walking now. 

"Thanks Cas, really. Zach might have screwed up my life last night but it could have been a lot worse if you hadn't been there."

"Any time Dean, truely."

Cas got a small shock then when Dean suddenly came forward and wrapped Castiel in a firm hug. Cas couldn't remember the last time he got a hug from anyone, it took him a second to remember to hug back. He wrapped his arms around Dean, one below his shoulders and one above, and for a moment, he melted. He melted into Dean like Deans body was made for hugging him, Castiel, specifically. He felt so warm and secure and so many emotions he couldn't remember feeling before all at once. He actually almost wimpered when Dean let go seconds later.

"I'll see you around Cas."

"Yeah, t-take care."

The brothers walked slowly into their own house and Cas all but ran into his, bounding up the stairs and shutting himself in his room. He dropped his backpack on the floor, tore his clothes off and started the shower, making it as hot as he could take it and sitting on the floor under the water. 

Once he was safely tucked away in his safe space, he broke. Cas started crying, and crying and crying. He sat there for a long time just letting it all out. He rubbed his thumb over the bruised knuckles he used to punch Zach, something he'd never done before, and clung desperately to the memory of Dean hugging him. After he calmed down Cas thought about it, really thought about it and he could not remember the last time someone hugged him, or showed him any kind of physical affection. Cas reeled with the growing idea that he might actually be touch starved. Maybe that's why a simple hug from someone he had mutual affection for had sent him into an emotional break down, he probably hadn't had those kinds of feelings since he was a baby. 

Cas turned the water off and dried himself, doning a fresh pair of boxers and sinking into his bed. It was Saturday, and the first day of summer break. There was no homework, he wouldn't even have any parents around most of the time and he was up most of the night at the hospital, he just had an emotional crisis and cried himself to dehydration, so Cas was gonna sleep. He selected Kaleo on his iPod and wrapped his arms around himself, trying to remember that warmth, that security and blanket feeling of everything-is-going-to-be-okay that he got when Dean held him. Cas was asleep in minutes.

When Cas woke up Saturday evening he had a few missed texts from Kevin and one from Dean. He checked Kevin's first, it was a string of worried messages wondering where Cas went and if he was okay, asking Cas to text him back asap. Cas replied straight away, feeling a little guilty for making his friend worry. Then he checked Deans text.

\--hey I heard about a party tonight downtown. don't know if its your thing but I know I could use a drink after last night. let me know if you wanna tag along.

Cas dropped his phone to the bed and sighed. He thought about Deans offer. On the one hand, he would get to hang out with Dean some more. On the other hand, it was the exact opposite of his comfortable social setting, he would be entirely out of his element and would have no escape route. Then again, he had never actually been to a real party before, he hadn't drunk before either. Maybe it could be fun. Maybe having Dean with him would make it fun. Cas text back.

\--promise not to ditch me with the normal people?

\--ha! don't worry dude I promise. be ready in 15.

Cas grinned widely and leaped off the bed, slipping into his best ass hugging faded black jeans and rummaging through his wardrobe until he found a trendy blue button down with a white patterned collar and rolled sleeves. He admired how the blue brought out his eyes and Cas spent a minute brushing his teeth, mussing his hair in the mirror and rolling on some scented deoderant to finish the look. Cas grabbed his phone, slipping his house key off its key ring and tucking it away in his wallet for ease of transport. He tucked his phone and wallet in his front pockets and turned all the lights off on his way out the door. Neither of his parents would be home tonight so that wasn't even a concern. 

Sure enough he and Dean arrived at Deans car at the same time, Cas climbing into the front seat like he was so used to doing now. 

"Wow Cas, you ah... you scrub up good."

Cas blushed under the compliment, but he couldnt take it seriously when Dean was sitting next to him in tight blue jeans and a crisp white shirt much the same style as Cas' own, it hugged Deans trim figure perfectly and Cas had to force himself to look away as the car peeled down the street. 

"Thank you, so do you. Out of curiosity, where is it we're going?"

"Just some kids house, he goes to a different school but his parents are out of town and he left an open invite, so should be fun."

"Alright. Would you like me to sober drive? You mentioned feeling the need to drink after last night."

"No man I'm not taking you to stay sober the whole time. You need to get out, and I'd like to have a friend to have fun with. We'll figure all that out later, okay?"

"Okay. How are you feeling now? Have the drugs all worn off?"

"Yeah, I spent pretty much all day sleeping. It's the weekend so dad won't be back from his bender for another day or so. Sam can look after himself for one night."

"Well, physical effects aside, if you need someone to talk to, I hear I'm an excellent listener." Dean huffed a laugh at that.

"Man I already tell more to you than people I've been friends with for the past 5 years. I don't even know why."

"Okay. No chick flick moments then."

Dean laughed properly at that, turning up the music and starting up kareoke the rest of the drive. Cas sang along but his heart wasn't in it, he knew by now Deans method of dealing with crap was to bottle it up and smile like nothing was wrong, and there was no way he was this okay after what happened the night before.

The party was already pumping by the time the boys parked up down the street and wandered inside. There were a few students they recognised from their own school, most they didn't. Cas felt his nerves like a rock in his stomach, sticking closely behind Dean as they made their way through the throng of teenagers further inside the house. Soon enough they found what Dean was looking for, the keg. He poured himself and Cas a cup, laughing when Cas winced at the horrible taste.

"You never drank before have you?"

"Would you laugh at me if I said I hadn't?"

"No, I'd be surprised if you had, you're always so..."

"Good?"

"Well, yeah. Not that that's a bad thing, if anything there should be more people like that."

"Thank you. Although I'd have to disagree. People like you have much more fun."

"Oh so you're saying I'm not good?"

"You know what I mean, ass."

Dean laughed and downed the rest of his drink, Cas followed suit. Dean poured them another and challenged Cas to a skull contest.

"But won't that make us drunk faster?"

"That's the point Cas, we got an hour, two tops before the cops crash this place, we gotta play catch up."

Cas shrugged and forced the cup of foul alcohol down his throat. He was shocked to find he actually beat Dean. Dean finished his and looked up, equally surprised.

"Dude. How did you do that?" Dean asked incredulously.

"You gotta open your throat, relax your gag reflex."

Cas saw a blush creep up Deans face and grinned internally that his double entendre hadn't flown over his head. 

"Best two out of three?"

"You're on Winchester."

They downed two more cups, Cas won those as well. 

"Son of a bitch!" Dean exclaimed when he saw he was beaten again.

"That's no way to talk about my mother Dean." Cas deadpanned.

They stared at each other for a moment before bursting into laughter, Cas could already feel the buzz lifting the weight from his mind and he quickly understood why people liked to drink at parties. Dean poured them one more cup but this one they sipped at slowly, Cas could feel his nerves start to melt away and be replaced by boldness and an itch to do something fun. They started dancing with a couple of girls who pulled them to the dancefloor absent choice. 

Some blonde Cas had never seen before was dancing around him, he didn't even care that he wasn't attracted to her at all, it was just fun. He spotted Dean across the room spinning and stepping with the blonde girl's friend, she was their sober driver and was able to keep up impressively. He was a smooth dancer and Cas was thoroughly impressed. The way he was twirling and dipping the girl wasn't even sexual, it was hot, sure, but it was nothing like what the blonde was trying on Cas. It was real dancing. In his tipsy state, seeing Dean move around the dancefloor with grace and skill was getting him half hard, and when he started to panic that someone would notice, he chuckled to himself. This was actually the perfect setting to admire Dean and not get noticed. Everyone was drunk and absorbed in their own activities, and he had a girl with him right now, it was the perfect cover. 

Roughly half an hour later Cas spun around when he felt a tap on the shoulder, Dean was behind him with flushed cheeks and a slight pant. It didn't help the situation in Castiels pants. 

"I'm just going to the bathroom."

"Okay!" Cas shouted above the music.

Dean chuckled at Castiels change of character after a few drinks and wandered off. Cas kept dancing with the blonde, which by this point was more just him holding her up and swaying. Seconds later though Cas spotted Dean coming back from the hall he had disappeared down before, his face fuming and his body language aggressive. Dean barged out the front door and Cas saw Lisa running after him trying to get his attention. Cas quickly left the blonde with her friend and went after them.

"I can't believe you!" Dean was shouting at his girlfriend.

"Come on Dean it's a party! Don't tell me you never hooked up with someone else at a party."

"No! This might be hard to get into that jizz filled brain of yours, but I for one have always been faithful!"

Dean was walking swiftly towards his car with Lisa trailing him, Cas kept his distance but they were shouting loud enough for him to hear anyway.

"Where were you last night Lis? Huh? I got drugged, I got sick, I got dragged off the field and spent the night in hospital. Where the hell were you? Not even a goddamn text to see if I was okay? Care to explain that?"

"I... I was..."

"You had Zach's dick in your mouth is what."

"That's not fair!"

"I just saw you! You were making out in the goddamn hallway Lis you weren't even trying to hide it!"

"Please Dean I'm so sorry please forgive me baby I love you!"

Cas could tell now Lisa had turned on the waterworks, but Deans face was stone cold.

"You know what? No. Go fuck yourself, we're over."

"...What?! You can't dump me!"

"I think I just did."

Dean turned his back to her to try and unlock his car, Cas watched as she picked up a palm sized rock from the front garden of the house they were outside of and hurled it, crashing it right through the backseat window. Dean flinched away in shock and turned on her, eyes blown wide with disbelief that she would do such a thing. While Dean gathered his wits she picked up another rock and this time, turned to aim at Dean. By then Castiel had rushed forward to intervene, grabbing Lisa by both arms from behind and throwing her to the ground. She dropped the rock and yelped in fright but she was not hurt, she looked at Castiel as if he had just strangled her dog in front of her.

"You are an awful person. I suggest taking Deans advice, and go and fuck yourself. You may be the only person you haven't."

Cas couldn't believe the words coming so deadpan and cold from his mouth. Lisa's eyes narrowed and she got up slowly, glaring at them both before storming back to the party. Cas suspected that if she had a hit list he would now be number one. He turned to Dean who looked visably shaken and pale.

"Dean? Are you okay to drive?"

"Not really. But I'm not leaving my baby here, she'll be taken apart." 

"Okay, wait here."

Cas ran back inside the house and found the girls they were dancing with before, the blonde, Jo, and her friend Charlie. A couple of minutes later the three of them were joining Dean at the Impala.

"Cas?"

"Charlie here is a sober driver, and Jo is too drunk to enjoy the party anymore. They agreed to drop us and the car home and I'm giving them taxi money to come back for their own car."

Dean looked at Charlie with scrutiny, and she raised an eyebrow in challenge.

"Not a scratch Red."

"Don't worry Solo I'm not the one who caved in your window."

Dean narrowed his eyes but handed the keys over. He sat up front with Charlie, giving directions and generally backseat driving. Cas had swept as much of the glass off the back seat as he could and had his arm around Jo, rubbing her shoulders in comfort because she had the spins and he felt sympathetic. Not long after, but what Cas was sure took far longer than the first trip, they arrived and Charlie parked neatly in Deans driveway. He thanked her hesitantly and she took the $20 offered by Cas, called a cab to the corner and started walking with Jo hanging off her side. She gave a Vulcan wave and a high pitched "Peace out bitches" before turning the corner.

"Hey Cas?" Dean asked as Cas started to turn away, assuming the drama of the party had brought the night to an end.

"Yes Dean."

"I um... I don't want to go home. Would you mind?"

"Of course not, come on."

Castiel led Dean inside and turned on the kitchen lights, fishing both an apple and a cherry pie from the freezer and throwing them in the oven straight away. 

"Dude aren't your parents gonna be pissed? You're kind of making a lot of noise."

"They're both out for the weekend, thank god. Means I don't have to drag my ass to church in the morning."

"You lucky asshole. So you just get the run of the place huh?"

"Basically, yeah. As long as I do my homework and chores and don't have any parties they're fine with leaving me alone."

"You get the house to yourself all the time and never have any parties?"

"Well... I don't... um... "

"It's alright Cas I get it, you're not that into people."

"That's one way of putting it, yes."

"Then how come you're so cool when we hang out huh?"

"You're different."

Deans eyebrows raised slightly, focusing intently on Cas as he looked like he was deciding whether to take it as friendly compliment, or as something more. Cas panicked slightly at the implications of what he said and backtracked.

"You and Kevin are about the only people I can stand to be around, you're good friends."

Dean lowered his eyes for a split second and then forced a sideways grin.

"Thanks Cas. Glad to know I'm good at something." 

Cas watched as Dean stared down at the bench, putting his weight on his knuckles on the marble. Cas felt terribly for Dean, he had gone out to try and forget what Zach had done to him, and ended up finding the same guy with Lisa instead. Cas had never had need to touch his parents liquor before, but he figured now was probably a good time. 

Cas disappeared into the living room, where sat a large, mahogany liquor cabinet. He snagged the cheapest looking bottle of burboun and brought it back to the kitchen where he set it down in front of Dean alone with a bottle of cola and two drinking glasses. Dean watched him, surprised and impressed, as Cas poured them both a drink, Dean took a swig of his with an approving moan, one that Cas struggled to keep from causing a problem in his pants. Tonight he was just going to be there for Dean, he was his friend and Dean was hurting. 

"So what are you planning to do after school?" Cas asked in the middle of their second drink.

"Honestly, I got nothing. That KU scout was a last minute thing you know? A last ditch effort from someone with no back up plan."

"Your grades aren't that bad, not good enough for a scholarship but good enough to get through the door."

"And what about Sam? Am I supposed to leave him with my dad? Cas I couldn't do that to him."

"If you had gotten into KU you would have had to."

"No, me and Sam both have college funds, if I had gotten into KU on a football scholarship, I could have used that fund money to buy a crappy apartment instead and move him in with me while I study."

"Oh. I see."

"Everything... everything was riding on that game Cas. I had never bothered to have hope for anything before, but this time... I don't know man I just did. And now it's all g-one."

Dean choked up on the last word and Cas looked up to see that his strong cool mask he was so used to Dean wearing hadn't just cracked, it had shattered. Dean was standing in his kitchen crying because he had nowhere else he could cry, no-one else he could cry to. He had to be strong for his brother, stoic to his father and careless to everyone else. But Dean had a glimpse of a dream coming true only a day ago, and witnessed it crashing down around him. It was ripped away by a slimy coward who violated Deans body and then unabashedly rubbed salt in the wound by fucking his girlfriend. Dean needed to grieve, he needed time and support and as Cas watched the first tears fall, Deans flawless face scrunched in pain, he knew that he would be whatever Dean needed him to be. Right now he needed the only real friend he had to let him unload and not judge, listen to him, give him a drink, give him pie, and give him a bed to sleep. So that's what Castiel did.


	5. New Friends

Sunday morning Cas woke up with a twinge in his back from sleeping on the hard floor, nothing to cushion him but carpet and a sleeping bag. He groaned as he rolled onto his side. Slowly, and with great effort, he slapped his hands flat on the floor and heaved himself up, bending backwards to click his spine. When he straightened up and opened his eyes he realised what a mistake it was to get up. Suddenly it was like an electric drill was carving its way into his brain and his stomach was both slightly nauseated and achingly hungry. He smelled like an old sock, his teeth felt like fuzzy sweaters and his mouth was as dry as the desert. Cas felt icky, like he hadn't been clean in a month and he eyed Deans sleeping form resting peacefully in his bed before deciding that a shower drastically outweighed the need for anything else.

Cas brushed his teeth twice in the shower and even washed his hair. He was still wincing from his headache and was stumbling around without a lot of coherence when he realised he never brought his boxers into the bathroom with him. Cas sighed and wrapped a towel around his waist, stepping back into his bedroom. He was surprised to see that Dean had woken up, he was sitting in bed checking his phone.

"Morning Dean."

"Uh... H-hey Cas. Feeling better?"

"Much. I don't think I care for drinking though."

Dean laughed.

"Yeah, everyone always says that the morning after."

Dean was struggling. Castiel had just come from the bathroom in a towel, droplets of water still running from damp hair over his shoulders, down his chest. Cas wasn't ripped but he was lightly toned and god he just looked amazing. Dean was grateful when Cas turned away to his drawers to fish out some clothes and he could make a quick escape to the door.

"I'm just gonna make us some breakfast!" Dean called from the stairs.

"Okay I'll be right there!"

Dean made them bacon and eggs, cooked in butter so they were extra greasy and boy did they hit the spot.

"Oh my god Dean these are amazing."

"Nothing better for a hangover than a greasy breakfast."

"I'll remember that for next time."

Cas continued to stuff his face, until he noticed Dean looking slightly awkward, like he wanted to say something but couldn't quite get it out.

"Dean? You okay?"

"What? Yeah! Yeah I'm good. I just, um, you know I-I'm sorry, about last night. I promised you a good time at the party and my damn drama ruined it and then I saddled you with all my chick flick crap. I'm just sorry you had to see that."

"Dean I have no idea what you're talking about. Last night I got drunk for the first time, made two new friends, which brings my current total to a record breaking four people, I danced, I had fun, I got to tell someone what I really think of them, then I had an awesome after party with more drinking and pie binging. If you seriously think you ruined my night because you had the audacity to have actual emotions, you're even more messed up than I thought."

Dean was a little taken aback and for a minute Cas was afraid he might have said too much, but really he was just being honest.

"You think I'm messed up?"

"To quote you, your parents are assholes and your only real friend is your weird neighbour. If you're not messed up you're a sociopath."

"Oh, so either I'm crazy, or I'm really crazy?"

"Basically."

Dean laughed, the sound warmed Castiels soul.

"Well, don't hold back Cas please, tell me what you really think." He replied sarcastically.

"I think I'm surprised you held it all in for as long as you have. Don't ever apologise for being human Dean."

With that statement leaving Dean in slight shock Cas cleaned off his plate and tidied the kitchen. Eventually Dean came to and excused himself back to his own house to check on Sam. Cas spent the rest of the day playing video games in his room, texting Kevin to see how he was doing, and Charlie to make sure they got home okay the night before. Charlie added Cas and Kevin to her friends list on her xbox and the three of them spent several hours playing together online, talking smack into their headsets.

That was how the majority of Castiels school break went. He didn't see Dean again, suspecting he might have still been a little embaressed at opening up to Cas on saturday night. But he found himself quickly warming to Charlie and even Jo when she joined in on their gaming. Cas discovered they were seniors too, at another school further into the city. They had been best friends since freshman year like he and Kevin had been, Charlie was openly lesbian and Jo was straight as an arrow. Charlie was boisterous and energetic, often rattling off on long spiels about anything pop culture, whereas Jo was much more reserved, she spoke less but her words always got the point across, she seemed like the type that was kind by nature but would kick your ass five ways from sunday if you crossed her.

The first monday back at school came around and Cas met Dean and Sam at the Impala in the morning as usual. Dean acted totally normal, his mask firmly in place, and if Cas detected a hint of makeup over his eye, he didn't say anything.

Weeks passed. Months. It was more of the same. Dean and Cas laughed and sang and got on effortlessly as they always had. Dean hung out with his friends and Cas hung out with Kevin, sitting with their friend group at lunch. Lisa was officially with Zach now, who told everyone he broke his nose during the game. They hailed him a hero for continuing to play through the pain. It made Dean furious but Cas didn't care, he wasn't bothering either of them anymore and that's what mattered. 

Once or twice a week Cas and Dean would sit at their windows after dark and talk, on Christmas they threw each other a present each, Cas got Dean a brown leather jacket and was happy to see him wrapped in it against the winter cold every day afterwards. Dean got Cas a corded necklace with a pendant of silver angel wings, Dean said it was because of his name, and Cas only took it off to shower and sleep. Those nights, and the minutes of the day he got to ride in the Impala, were easily the best times of Castiels life so far. 

Cas could tell Dean was keeping him at a slight distance now, letting his walls down after the party had been a shock to his system and he was stuck in defence mode, for some reason he trusted Cas enough to not push him away completely, but Cas could feel that tiny emotional distance like it was the Grand Canyon. He never pushed though. Pushing Dean to open up would only serve to push him further away, and while Cas missed the easy openness they shared before, he could be patient. He would wait for Dean to come to him when he needed to.

Until then, he would often go online to talk to Charlie, who he had come out to eventually. He still hadn't come out to Kevin, but Charlie, being gay herself, he just knew she would get it. He even confessed his painful, life altering crush on Dean.

"Well duh Cas he's not even on the right team and I can see he's gorgeous."

"It's not just that though, he's brave, strong, kind, loyal, he's good. I know he can be a dick sometimes and people think that's all there is to him, but deep down, right to his core there is just so much good Charlie. How could I ever be good enough for that?"

"Hey! You're not half bad yourself you know. Everyone has their high points and their low points Cas, nobody is perfect. For example, Dean is rigidly straight, that's probably the biggest crook in your plan."

"Yeah, maybe."

"Maybe?"

"There are... moments. Just, tiny moments when it feels like, I don't know. I'm probably imagining things." 

Cas blew up an enemy tank and absentmindedly fondled the angel wings at his throat while he waited for the next level to load.

"Well now come on, maybe you're on to something. We are still teenagers Cas you never know, most of us haven't figured things out yet. That's what college is for."

"Yeah maybe. Even so, I couldn't risk prying. It might ruin what friendship we have."

"Yep that's always a tricky one. It usually comes down to how sure you are of their feelings and whether or not you're willing to risk it."

"Very unwilling. Anti willing. Willing can die screaming in the jaws of the sarlaac pit-"

"Okay okay I get it, jeez."

"How are you for graduation?"

"Good to go. You?"

"I've sent out all my college applications. Every time the mailman goes passed I shit my pants a little."

"Graphic."

"You're welcome."

"Our prom is coming up."

"Ours too."

"What's your theme?"

"Space. Yours?"

"Ugh, you're so lucky. Fairytale."

"Ew. Then again, Dean would make a damn fine Disney prince."

"Oh my god you got it bad princess." 

Charlie laughed and her avatar stabbed Cas', stealing all the loot for herself.

"Hey why am I the princess? I can be manly."

"Hmm. Maybe as prince Eric. You got the hair, and the eyes."

"Thanks. You'd be a great Ariel with that hair."

"Oh my god. Cas. You just gave me the best idea!"

"What?"

"Well I'm just going to throw it out there that neither you or Dean have dates for your prom right? With you being, well, you, and Dean being single now."

"Gee thanks for the vote of confidence. As it happens, you're correct. Why where are you going with this?"

"If you and Dean came with me and Jo it would make a crappy prom so much more bareable. And in return, we'd be your hot dates to your prom and make everyone at both our schools super jealous."

"That's a great idea Charlie, but there's just one, gaping hole in your logic."

"Our proms are a half hour drive apart and on the same night?"

"That's the one."

"Then suit up Novak, we have a mission to run."

"What?" Cas wasn't sure he liked the hyped up excitement in her voice.

"Trust me. Do you think Dean will be on board? What about Kevin?"

"Kevin already has a date for our prom, but I'll ask Dean, hang on."

Cas took off his headset and dialled Deans number, suppressing a smile when he heard his voice answer.

"Hey Cas what's up?"

"I've got Charlie on the other end, she seems to have concocted some dastardly plan for prom."

"Dastardly huh? Any details?"

"Not as yet."

"Tell her I'm in."

"Just like that?"

"Well yeah man, it's Charlie."

Cas laughed, he understood exactly what Dean meant. Charlie was always fun, and it didn't always mean staying inside the rules, for that they loved her.

"Alright, I'll give her the green light, see you Monday."

"See ya Cas."

Cas hung up and put his headset back on, finding his character had died and was waiting to respawn in his absence.

"He's in."

"Yes! I'll finalise my plans by tuesday and let everyone know."

"Awesome. Anyway I gotta go Charlie, my olds are calling me for dinner."

"Later angel."

"Bye nerd."

Cas logged off and joined his parents for a store bought and plastic tasting spaghetti bolognaise. They asked the same questions, gave the same warnings, and sent Cas to bed afterwards satisfied in their parenting. Cas lay in bed after his shower thinking about what Charlie could possibly have planned. He ended up dreaming about Dean, all dressed up as Prince Charming, Cas was on his knees scrubbing the floor, watching Dean slip a glass shoe onto Lisa's foot. Lisa then stepped the shoe onto Deans back and used it to press him to the floor. Cas stretched a hand to Dean to pull him out from under her but he couldn't reach, he was so close, their fingers almost brushing, when he woke up. 

Tuesday afternoon, Dean came around to Castiels house, grabbing a controller and a headset while they waited for Charlie to log on. Sure enough, a few minutes later her avatar appeared and they heard her voice clearly through their headsets.

"What's up bitches!"

"Charlie it's Dean, what's the plan amigo what're we doing for prom?"

"Get this, we're all going to both."

"Um, how exactly are we gonna do that? We need student ID's to get tickets and entry at the door."

"I know. That's why I spent my free period yesterday hacking the school system."

"You what?!"

"Oh yeah. I listed you guys in the database, sent a requisition to get your " damaged" IDs replaced, and viola. They arrived in the office mailbox today, which Jo helped me swipe before the receptionist got them."

"Oh my god Charlie what the hell?!"

"I know right. Don't worry, I deleted your enrollment as soon the IDs arrived. I also bought both your tickets so you guys both owe me thirty bucks."

"And what about our school?"

"I hacked your school today, you guys need to steal mine and Jo's cards from the office first thing tomorrow morning okay?"

"Yeah and we'll buy your tickets, thirty bucks repaid right there."

"Awesome! I'm so excited."

"So how are we gonna dress? We should coordinate or something right?"

"Yes! Okay so I may have already secured all our outfits."

"What? How?"

"I'm awesome that's how."

"Okay um, are we pairing up?"

"Yes! I'm going with Cas to the first one, my one. Then with you for the second."

"You know, this might actually be fun."

"Damn right it will. Okay guys I gotta go, bring the Impala to my house at 4pm saturday, I'll see you then!"

Charlie logged off and Cas laughed. 

"This is going to be an interesting night."

"Hell yeah it will, but I should get back to Sammy, don't wanna leave him alone with dad."

"Yeah, sure. I'll see you in the morning."

"Later Cas."

Dean left and Cas tried not to feel too sad about it. There was no more homework to keep him occupied with graduation so close, so he just played until he couldn't keep his eyes open and hoped he wouldn't have anymore dreams of Dean. 

Saturday evening finally came, Cas and Dean both showered and changed into fresh clothes, comfy ones though, jeans and a T-shirt, per Charlie's commands. They met at the Impala and followed Charlie's instructions to get to her house. Neither of them were expecting what they found. Charlie's house was huge. Castiels and Deans were no shacks, but hers was closer to a small mansion, with gates at the entrance and a huge garden in the front. No wonder she said she had it all taken care of, girl was loaded.

Dean parked the car up the long drive and knocked tentatively on the door. Jo answered in a fluffy white robe, her long blonde hair was done in a neat, classic bun, her ears sparkled with large round gems that looked like diamonds but would cost a fortune if they were real. Her makeup was perfect and her eyes glittered subtly with pale silver that had a slight shimmer to it.

"Wow, Jo you look amazing." Cas complimented.

"Thanks Cas, come on we're upstairs."

The boys followed her up the staircase and across a gallery to one of many rooms. Charlie was in there laying out two suits. She was in a robe the same as Jo's, but her red locks that were always in a ponytail had been waved and mussed, she had perfect make up like Jo and violet to purple eyeshadow with tiny amethyst earrings. 

"Boys! Good, you're not late. Okay, so this one is Cas'. When you're done, put all the clothes you're wearing into that backpack there with your name on it. Dean, yours is the other one, do the same thing. There's a bathroom through that door there with hair product and whatever else you want in it, we'll be one room down on the right."

With that the girls scampered out to finish getting ready, shutting the door behind them. Suddenly Cas felt very self-conscious, he had never undressed in front of Dean before, nor had Dean in front of him, and if Cas was honest, he wasn't all that confident with his body. 

"Dean, would you make fun of me if I use the bathroom?"

"Nah man, go for it."

Cas nodded his thanks and gathered his suit, using the hook to hang it from the top of the shower. He had no jacket, his suit was a pair of steel blue pants and matching vest with a white shirt, no tie, and a red belt. Cas squinted at the belt, wondering how it could all possibly fit together. When he finished getting dressed though, he looked at himself in the mirror, and even he had to admit that he looked damn good. Charlie had guessed his sizes perfectly, the colour brought out his eyes and the belt was a splash of crazy that somehow made the whole thing work and turn it from bland to stylish. 

Cas tucked his angel pendant under his shirt and stepped out of the bathroom. He was met with Dean, who was doing up the last button on a white jacket with dark maroon lapels, a matching bowtie hanging undone around his neck over a crisp white shirt, that was tucked neatly into classic black pants. Dean looked up and Cas lost the ability to breath. Castiels head spun, he didn't think it was possible for human beings to be so beautiful, but here Dean was, looking like he walked off an Abercrombie & Fitch photo shoot. Cas was so taken he didn't notice Dean had also frozen on the spot, his eyes roaming over Castiels form in equal reverence. A knock at the door snapped them out of it.

"Hey boys you ready?" Charlie called.

"Y-yes, yes! Just, um, shoes! We need shoes!" Dean called back.

"On the floor beneath where the suits were."

Cas checked the spot and sure enough there were some freshly polished black riding boots, like the kind Dean usually wore but much nicer. Dean found some black dress shoes and they slipped them on quickly, neither daring to look at the other in case they got caught staring again. Cas was the first to get his shoes on since Deans had dainty thin laces, he opened the door and found the girls waiting for them. Charlie had lost the robe and was now in a shimmery, Jade green strapless dress with an amethyst pendant necklace that matched her earrings. Jo had adorned a baby blue number with off the shoulder straps and a necklace that looked like a string of diamonds set side by side. 

"Wow! You guys look incredible!" Dean exclaimed as he came up behind Cas.

"You're one to talk! Damn boys! I knew I had good taste." Charlie winked at them with a cheeky smirk and waved a woman over who was waiting outside the other room just a few feet away.

"Cassie here is the best hairdresser slash makeup artist in the city, she's just gonna touch up your hair and we'll go!"

Cassie ushered Cas and Dean into the girl's room, the place was a tip- strewn with clothes, shoes, makeup and jewellery of all sorts. The girls grabbed the boy's backpacks and went down to the Impala. Cassie sat Dean down first and combed down his already neat back and sides, making a straight part and smoothing his slightly longer top, superman style. It only took her two minutes but when she was done Dean looked like a real gentleman, making it even harder for Cas not to stare. Cas went next, his took a little longer to tame. His thick black locks had grown a little and by the time Cassie finished with all her fluffing and combing and spraying, he looked like a star from an action movie, and to Cas' amusement, very much like Prince Eric. The boys thanked Cassie and went downstairs where they found the girls loading the last of some luggage into the Impala. 

"What's all that for?" Dean asked.

"Well, you know how I hacked both our schools and got ID cards?"

"Yeeeeeah..."

"Well, I may have gotten a teeny tiny bit carried away."

"Charlie what did you do?" 

"I... may have gotten all of us into another two proms."

"What?!" Dean and Cas exclaimed together.

"I thought it would be funny! Look, they're all within a half hour drive of each other, they all go on for 6 hours, at the same time, and they all have different themes. I have an outfit for all of us for every single one. And I'm gonna be taking, like, an ass load of pictures. Its gonna be fun and hilarious you know it! It's like a bar crawl but for prom."

"Oh my god." Dean sighed as he scratched his head.

"You know what? I'm down." Cas said with a smile.

"Seriously?" Dean asked.

"Dean, who else has ever done this before? I've certainly never heard of it. At the very least we should try, I think Charlie's right this could be a hell of a night."

Dean sighed again before twirling his keys around on his index finger, something Cas had noted a while ago was what Dean often did while he was thinking, trying to make a decision. After a few seconds he caught his keys in his palm and held them there.

"Get in."

"Yes!" Charlie yelped.

Cas got in the front seat as always and grinned as Dean started the engine. Dean had a small smile too, and he let Cas see it. It was like a small inside joke, Cas knew Dean never intended to say no, he was just as excited as the rest of them, he just enjoyed winding Charlie up. Cas thought it must be the big brother in him, he couldn't help himself. The boys grinned widely and turned up the music while the two in the back cheered and laughed, Dean winding them smoothly towards their first destination.


	6. Prom Night

The group arrived to Charlie and Jo's school just in time to blend in with the crowd. They lined up in their couples and flashed their school IDs and tickets to the teacher stationed at the door. He barely even squinted and Dean and Cas, even though two total strangers should have been obvious, Dean suspected he probably didn't care at this point. The gym was wonderfully decorated in golds and creams, huge cardboard cutouts of pumpkins, ships, castles, horses, knights, dragons and forests lined the walls and really set the theme nicely. 

Upon Deans insistence they made for the food table first, each taking a cup of the already spiked punch with their nibbles and surveying all the students. Everyone was dressed wonderfully, and many to theme, although Cas was confident they were the best dressed bunch there. Charlie and Jo pointed to a guy who looked like Zach on steroids, dancing raunchily with a blonde in a dress that left nothing to the imagination. 

"That's the douchebag I told you about, the one always hitting on me even though everybody knows I'm gay." Charlie said.

"Yeah Charlie caught him trying to slip something into my drink at a party once. Fucking asshole." Jo chipped in.

"Really?" Dean asked incredulously.

"Yep." 

Just as Charlie answered, the song changed and the douchebag went to the bathroom.

"Hold my drink." 

Dean gave his cup to Charlie and sauntered over to the blonde girlfriend now dancing by herself before anyone could stop him. The other three all watched in awe as Dean gathered the girl mid spin in the smoothest manner Cas had ever seen. They saw Dean plaster on his most charming smile and even from a distance, that smile melted Castiels insides, he couldn't imagine the girls knees were very stable seeing it up close. Within seconds she was like putty in his hands, dancing smoothly, making her giggle, generally wooing her off her feet. When Dean spotted the boyfriend coming back from the bathroom several minutes later, he whispered in the girls ear, spun her around one last time and walked off the dance floor, disappearing through the crowd and rejoining his friends. 

"Dean what did you just do?" Jo asked.

"Watch." 

Dean took his drink back from Charlie and leaned against the table with a smug little smile on his face. They all watched like it was reality TV, the boyfriend returned and got back into the music, pulling his girlfriend in backwards from the hips so he was basically grinding into her ass. She immediately turned around and slapped him clean across the face. The group all 'ooo'd, scrunching their faces as the girl flipped her hair dramatically, called him an asshole and sauntered off the dancefloor. The boyfriend looked around self consciously to see if anyone had caught his humiliation, most people had. He clenched his jaw and pushed through the snickering crowd back to the bathroom, no doubt to drink some more.

"Seriously Dean what did you do?!" 

Charlie exclaimed as all three of them turned on him questioningly.

"Every girl wants to be wooed Charlie, I showed her what she was missing that's all."

"But what did you say?"

"I told her she was a princess and deserved better. All it takes is to be shown what it's like to be treated properly, from now on she's always going to hold him to that standard, sooner or later, when she realises he can't live up to it, she'll leave him."

"Did you seriously just break up the most popular couple in school in less than five minutes?" Jo asked.

"I don't know about break up, but he definitely won't be getting laid tonight."

"Is that you taking revenge for us?"

"Maybe. Maybe douchebags deserve to be taught a lesson."

"Well, this night is already way more entertaining than I thought it would be." 

Jo laughed, and the others followed suit. They all spent a couple of songs dancing together, they all took a lot of pictures and everyone but Dean downed another cup of punch, since he was driving he wanted to take it easy. After that they all scampered back to the Impala.

"Alright captain, where to now?" Dean asked.

"Johnson High, you know where that is?"

"I do, do we need to change first?"

"Nope, their theme is under the sea, very Marty Mcfly, I approve, anyway we're all good as we are, you just need to change your jacket and bowtie when we get there."

"Alright, activating hyperdrive."

They took more photos in the car, Charlie even recorded a quick video explaining what they were doing. Cas had seen her make ones before they got to the first dance and inside the gym, he suspected she had one while they were getting ready too and would probably make a compilation later.

They arrived at the new school and tried to act smooth as Dean quickly changed for a dark blue jacket with black lapels and a dark blue bowtie behind his car, joining the end of the line of people arriving late. They flashed their IDs and tickets and again the teacher didn't notice she hadn't seen any of them before. They got more food, more drink, danced together and with other students who looked at them confused and questioning. The decorations weren't as detailed or enthralling but it quickly became apparent that the reason was because the prom committee had spent most of their budget on getting a decent DJ. They ended up dancing for an entire hour just because the music was so good. They took loads of photos and when Charlie got a cute girls number they called it quits, getting back to the car laughing from the people who had just assumed they were students at that school and struck up random conversations about people they had never heard of. 

"Okay Charlie, stop number three."

"The Red Rose, its a crappy motel around the corner."

"A little early to be getting kinky ain't it?"

"We all need to change, I booked a room."

"Alright, let's do it."

Dean took off and The Red Rose was indeed just around the corner. They pulled in and Charlie handed a fifty to the receptionist, assuring him they would only be fifteen minutes and there would be no funny business. She instructed everyone on which bags to take inside and quickly explained what they were doing.

"The next one is Harrington High, they're having a masquerade so this actually makes our job way easier. I've got bathroom first."

"That's gonna take too long Charlie, I say girls take the bathroom, we take the bedroom, we can all turn our backs if we're shy." Dean suggested. 

"I'm cool with that, you guys?" 

Jo and Cas nodded, and Jo took her dress in the bathroom with Charlie. Dean started shredding his bowtie and jacket, Cas turned his back and started doing the same. By the time he turned back, Cas was completely changed in black pants, a navy blue shirt and black vest with a white bowtie. He saw Dean was looking splendid in the same pants, an emerald green shirt and a thinly lapelled, low buttoned black jacket. Dean was busy stuffing his discarded clothes back into his bag and avoiding eye contact with Cas and Cas wondered why. He didn't consider that Dean was desperately trying to stop himself crossing the room and pulling Cas into his arms. 

The girls emerged a minute later, same hair, jewellery and makeup, but Charlie had swapped her green number out for a black ball gown that flared slightly at the base. Jo had traded her blue Cinderella dress for a saucy red halterneck that looked perfect for a samba. Charlie handed out their masks, Castiels was sky blue with white angel wings flaring back from the sides, Deans was matte black with swirling silver designs embossed around the edges. Charlie's was royal purple with small, fluffy black feathers around the edges, Jo's was silver-white and shimmering, intricate red designs painted all over. They gathered their things and headed out once more, all but Dean taking gulps from Deans hip flask, playing more music and taking more pictures. 

They slipped their masks on as they excited the car at Harrington, getting through the door easily even though they were late and there was no-one else in line. This prom felt different, the decorations were good, better than the second but maybe not as good as the first, they had an actual band instead of a DJ, and this time no-one had spiked the punch bowl. They got to dance with more people since hardly anyone could recognise anyone else anyway and nobody regarded them with suspicion. After a little while Castiel realised why this prom felt different, he felt safer. The masks provided some amount of anonymity, it made him feel like he could do more, be more himself and remain unwitnessed, even in a crowd. He spotted Dean dancing with an unknown girl and felt a pang of jealousy. He wanted that. He wanted to be able to dance with Dean in the middle of a crowd and not care who saw them.

Maybe it was the masks, maybe it was the alcohol, maybe a combination of both. But as the song changed, Cas felt a surge of courage overcome him, he sucked in a deep breath and walked confidently over to Dean, cutting in as his dance partner turned away.

"May I have this dance?"

Dean laughed, but held his hands out anyway.

"Sure Cas, why not."

They both fell into a natural step where, to Castiels surprise, Cas took the lead."

"Are you having a good time with Charlie's plan?" Dean asked.

"It's a hell of a lot more fun than being stuck in our own gym with people we hate for hours."

"Yeah no kidding." Dean laughed. 

They didn't say another word for the rest of the song. They lost themselves in the crowd, everyone fading away until it was just the two of them, safe and happy and exactly where they should be. Neither of them knew the other one felt the same way, and when the song ended they came apart awkwardly, not looking at each other for fear the other would see the affection over both their faces. 

"I uh, think its about time we took off." Dean said.

"Yes, I we should find the girls." 

Minutes later they found Jo and Charlie eating at the buffet table, dragging them away to the car.

"Alright, last stop?"

"Not quite, one more change." Charlie answered.

She gave Dean directions to a different crappy motel, Twin Pines. It was between Harrington and their own school, so made more sense than going back to the Red Rose. She paid the receptionist again and they followed the same routine as before. Cas ended up changing into light grey pants, a white shirt and a matching grey jacket, a low-buttoned one like Dean just had on. Dean wore a black shirt tucked into his black pants with a golden vest and a black bowtie. The girls emerged, Charlie having removed the bottom, flare part of her black ball gown that came away easily from the waist down, revealing a slimline silver skirt still attached to the black top. She had adjusted her eye-shadow to be more smokey eyed and added some silver diamantes. Jo had changed completely into a gold, floor length gown with a loose bunching neck and Charlie had smoked the outer edges of her makeup with black too, flawlessly fading into the silvery white and bringing everything together. 

"Alright, last stop guys. Should we have more drinks?" Charlie asked.

"God yes." Dean said.

They all took a shot each, the three none drivers taking an extra one before they took off. In fifteen minutes they had arrived at Cas and Deans school, they saw their biology teacher at the door reading a magazine and drinking a soda, clearly not expecting anyone to show up this late. Dean and Cas got nervous that he would call out Jo and Charlie, but sure enough, like the others, the old biology teacher was passed the point of noticing or caring and they strolled right on in. They found Kevin quickly, still dancing and chatting with his date, Melissa. 

"Hey guys! How did your plan go? Did you get in?"

"We got into all three proms, four including this one." Cas replied.

"Oh my god that's awesome! You take pictures? Video?"

"I've rigorously documented our whole night, I'll be posting it all later don't your worry." Charlie said excitedly.

"Well, not much been happening here. Lisa and Zach got voted king and queen, they danced then disappeared with a bunch of their friends, presumably to some after party."

"Awesome, that means all the cool kids are left." Dean remarked. 

"Exactly." Kevin laughed. 

They had a good time the rest of the night, chilling out with Kevin and Melissa, eating, drinking, noticing their punch bowl was definitely spiked and drinking some more, dancing and laughing. Their prom only went on for another hour before everyone still there, which wasn't many anyway, got shuffled out so the adults could close it all up and go home. They all crammed into Deans car and he took them to an after party, one that the cute girl who had given Charlie her number was going to. 

Nobody expected to be leaving that party that night so once they got there Dean felt free to drink, getting happily buzzed and then a little more so in the time they were there. Cas however had church in the morning, his parents were home that weekend and prom was no excuse to miss church, so he used the time at the party to sober up. When dawn started breaking Cas knew it was time to go home, he took Deans keys and herded the others back into the car. He dropped Melissa and Kevin off first, then Jo and Charlie. Finally he pulled into Deans driveway, looking briefly at Deans doorway and remembering Dean say something about how Sundays are a bad day for his dad. 

So Cas led a still tipsy Dean from the car and brought him inside his own house instead, thinking Dean could sleep the day in his bed and his parents wouldn't even know. Cas got Dean to the threshold of his room when suddenly, Dean backed Cas against the doorway with some force, for a split second Cas was afraid he was about to be hit, but then his brain short circuited because Deans face rushed forward, capturing Castiels lips with his. Cas didn't dare to try and breath, Dean lips were so soft and perfect, kissing him sent fireworks exploding in Cas' chest, he lost all sense of anything else because Dean was kissing him, it was actually, truely happening. Then Cas remembered Deans state of mind, and realised this wasn't fair. It wasn't fair to Dean to take advantage and kiss back, so Cas summoned all his willpower and put a hand flat on Deans chest, pushing him gently away.

Deans eyes flew open and his forehead scrunched in confusion. Cas could see the hurt, the horror and regret quickly flicker across Deans face as he instantly jumped to the wrong conclusions. Before Cas could stop him to explain, Dean ran from the hall and down the stairs, Cas heard the front door bang shut as Dean ran home. But when he watched Dean go, he noticed something else. Standing in the hall was Naomi. Dean had pushed passed her, which meant she had seen everything. She glared at Castiel with unbridled disgust before turning back down the stairs, no doubt to start planning Castiels eviction. Cas thumped his head back on the wall and closed his eyes, saying goodbye to everything good in his life, it wasn't much, but now it was about to be nothing. It was a good few months while it lasted, and if he's honest, all that time he got with Dean made it worth whatever was coming next.


	7. Goodbyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys thanks for sticking around so far, part two starting soon!

They were eleven years old, Dean was wandering the schools library looking for a book during lunch when he found a cowering Castiel huddled in a corner by himself.

"Cas? Is that you?"

"Dean? Hey."

"Hey. Are you okay?"

"I-I'm scared."

"Why? Was someone being mean to you?"

"No."

"Then what's the matter?"

"I don't want to say. You'll laugh at me."

"I promise I won't laugh. If you tell me, maybe I can help."

"Can you fight the sky?"

"What? No."

"Then you can't help."

"You're afraid of the sky?"

"The storm! Mom and Dad say that thunder happens when God is angry, what if he's angry at me? What if I did something bad and he's going to strike me with lightning?!"

Cas started crying hysterically and Dean quickly scooted down next to him and put an arm around his shoulder.

"It's just noise and lights Cas, I know it's loud and kind of scary but you never did anything bad, it won't hurt you."

"How do you know?!"

"Well, if it does try to hurt you, I'll fight it!"

"You just said you can't."

"Well, I changed my mind. Don't cry Cas, I promise nothing will hurt you while I'm here."

Castiel thought back on that fondly while he lay in his sleeping bag on Kevin's floor. The thunder clapped again and the room lit up briefly from the lightening strike outside. The wind and rain hurled against the house and deep down, even though he didn't believe in God anymore, Castiel felt a discomfort that he always got during a storm. Kevin snored softly above him, it was two in the morning and Cas still couldn't sleep. 

Tomorrow would be tuesday, graduation day. After what happened sunday morning, his parents had dragged him to church and forced him to sit in confession for an hour afterwards talking to the priest. Cas didn't want to get kicked out so he played along, claiming he had been partaking in alcohol and the things he had seen other couples doing at the dance had corrupted his mind. He never mentioned Dean though, he would never try to weasel out of it by blaming Dean. 

When it was over, the priest told his parents it might be a good idea to have him put in Christian student clubs when he got to college. By the time they arrived back home though, staying silent the entire car ride through his parents' homophobic rantings, Castiel had enough. Charlie never had to hide herself from her parents, and they still loved her, they were proud of her, Cas was done taking the punishment for something that simply wasn't wrong. 

"I'm not joining any Christian clubs." He stated firmly when they walked in the door.

"Castiel, don't you see this is the best way to get you back on the right path?" Naomi argued.

"No. I am on the right path. Right now, finally, for the first time ever. I am gay, that is never going to change. It is not wrong, it is not disgusting, it just is. And I'm not going to live in the closet anymore, I'm done with that. If you can't accept me for who I am, then that's on you."

Both his parents were silent for half a minute, Naomi was fuming and finally she stormed off to her bedroom, slamming the door behind her. Dick looked down his nose at Cas, it reminded him of the way Lisa always looked at him, a piece of gum on their shoe.

"Pack your things and leave, I need to console your mother."

He turned his back then and walked away, following Naomi. Cas ran upstairs and packed his suitcase and backpack with everything he held dear, and a few clothes. He could barely fit everything and was glad he no longer had any school stuff clogging his backpack since graduation was in two days anyway. He sent a quick text to Kevin to let him know he was coming and walked the three and a half miles to Kevin's house. He never noticed Dean watching him go from his living room window. 

When he told Kevin and Mrs. Tran what happened, not even crying he was still in so much shock, he had to spent several minutes convincing Mrs. Tran not to go over there and give his parents a piece of her mind. She was livid and quickly assured Cas he would have a roof there for as long as he needed one. Cas thanked her over and over, but he didn't sleep that night. 

Even though they had no lessons left, they still had to go to school on monday. They all sat in every lesson chatting about their plans for college or travel or internships, everyone generally excited as they stood on the edge of the first step to their future. Cas didn't join in the revelry, his step had dropped away and become the edge of a cliff. What was worse, he didn't see Dean there, all day. After school Mrs. Tran took him to a mobile store to buy a cheap prepaid sim card since his phone had suddenly stopped working. He guessed his parents had cut off his data plan. 

Now he lay staring at Kevin's ceiling as the clock ticked from 2:03 to 2:04 and the storm outside and memories of Dean made everything hurt. Cas sighed, flipping back the bag and tiptoeing to the kitchen for some water. He sat at the bench for a minute, just thinking, when Mrs. Tran came from the dark hallway and sat beside him. 

"Can't sleep?" She asked.

"No. You?"

"I was, I heard Kevin's door open."

"Oh. Sorry. I thought I was being quiet."

"You were, mothers are very light sleepers." She smiled warmly, something his own mother never did.

"I just, have too much in my head. It's like a hundred cords tangled up in knots and I can't unravel them."

"Hmm, I understand that."

"You do?"

"Of course, that's what life is like hun."

"Does it get better? The mess?" Cas tapped his head to indicate what he meant.

"It doesn't get any less, if that's what you mean. But you get better at unravelling it. Trust me Cas, I know it doesn't seem like it right now, but one, universal truth for everyone your age, it gets better. Things will get better. I promise." 

Cas broke down then, he let the tears flow and he sobbed on Mrs. Trans shoulder while he held him, cooing and shushing him as if he were her own son. Castiel eventually got back to bed, and, for a couple of hours, he even got some sleep. 

Graduation went as expected, there were speeches that Cas didn't listen to, parents and guardians and family members who hugged and cried because their babies were all grown up. Cas was greeted by Mrs. Tran, Naomi and Dick nowhere to be found. He did spot Dean briefly with Sam, it didn't look like their dad came either, but they were gone again just as quickly. That afternoon, Cas was playing video games with Kevin when he got a call from Naomi, asking him to come to the house.

For a blinding, fleeting moment, Castiel felt hope. Maybe they had changed their minds, maybe they were going to accept him after all. Mrs. Tran dropped him off, telling him to call if he needed anything. Cas smiled and thanked her, because smiling felt okay to do now. He dragged himself inside, nerves curdling his gut. When he walked in the front door however, his stomach dropped. Naomi and Dick sat side by side at the living room table, their faces blank and emotionless, Naomi gestured to the chair across from them, and Cas knew, he was not coming home.

"Sit." She commanded. It wasn't angry, it wasn't hurt or disappointed, just cold. It chilled Cas more than angry or hurt ever could. He sat down carefully.

"Castiel, after much consideration, and a lot of conversation between the two of us and father Uriel, your father and I have decided that you are no longer welcome home. You will not call, write, email, or attempt to communicate in any way with either us or Anna. You will not associate yourself with this family in any way. Understood?" 

Cas sat there, open mouthed and speechless.

"What's all this?" Cas finally asked, gesturing to the three suitcases standing next to the table.

"The remainder of your things."

"You can't just erase me from your lives."

"Yes we can. You can keep your phone but the data plan has been cancelled as I'm sure you've noticed, all your online accounts for your games that we pay for have also been cancelled. But, on the insistence of father Uriel, we won't be leaving you with nothing. Even though you have chosen a wicked lifestyle and will no doubt be burning in hell for your sins, for the time being you are still our responsibility, and in a way, we feel it must be somewhat our fault for the way you turned out, somewhere along the line we did something wrong and for that, we apologise."

Cas still couldn't find words as his mother slid a piece of paper and a red bank card across the table.

"This is yours."

"What is it?"

"A debit card. It allows you to access your college fund your father and I saved for you. There is fifty thousand dollars in there, it's in your name and only you have access to it, me and your father have cut ourselves from the account, all the details are on that paper."

"You're... giving me money?"

"It was always your money, you're entitled to it. But I warn you, use it wisely. When you leave this house, there will be no more."

Cas picked up the card, it was shiny and new, his name embossed down the bottom. 

"Is that really it then?"

"Yes Castiel. Now please, leave this house, and do not return." 

His parents eyed him coldly, and Castiel finally understood how they were always so fine with leaving him alone all the time. They never really gave a damn. Cas moved in a daze as he pocketed the card and paper and grabbed the suitcases, walking slowly out the front door. He looked back at the house from the street path, the fact that he could never come back here still not sinking in. Cas called Mrs. Tran and asked to be picked up again. Something in his voice must have tipped her off to what happened because she said she would be there right away. 

Cas hung up and put his phone away, looking up longingly to Deans house. He couldn't remember even being inside Deans house, he thought Dean probably wanted it that way, wanted to keep Cas safe from his dad. On an impulse, and because it might be his last chance, Cas ran up to the front door and knocked frantically. After several heart pounding moments, Sam answered.

"Oh. Hey Cas."

"Hey Sam. Can I speak to Dean?"

"No, not right now." Sam's little voice wasn't angry, just sad. Cas wondered what happened to make him like that.

"Why not?"

"He's resting."

"Why?"

"Yesterday, your parents came over here. They told our dad what happened with you and Dean. They yelled at my dad for Dean corrupting you, then left. Dad took it out on Dean, called him a fag and a fuck up, then beat the crap out of him. He had to go to graduation today, but he's still in pain."

"Oh my god. Sam please, just let me see him. Let me explain what happened after prom."

"He doesn't wanna see you Cas. He already feels like crap, he thinks he actually deserved that beating for getting you kicked out of home and disowned. He thinks he ruined your friendship, your life, that you hate him and if you don't, you should."

"That's not true Sam! None of that is true!" 

"I know that, I've seen the way you look at each other. But do you think he's going to listen to his dorky little brother?"

Cas sighed in exasperation. Just then Mrs. Tran pulled up and honked her horn.

"Sam, you got a pen and paper?"

"Uh yeah, hang on."

Sam ran into the kitchen and grabbed a ballpoint and a pile of post-it notes. Cas quickly wrote down his new number and a small note, tearing the page off and handing it to Sam. 

"Give Dean this, it's my new number. Tell him that when he's ready, no matter how long that takes, I'll be there to talk to. I have to go now, and I'll be leaving for college this week, so I might not see you again Sam."

Sam took the note and his eyes welled up, suddenly he flew into Cas and wrapped his arms around Castiels middle.

"He was happy with you Cas."

"So was I. Remind him for me, okay? You look after him Sam, he needs it more than he'll ever admit."

"I know, I will. Promise you'll call? Even just me?"

"I promise."

Cas smiled as best he could down at Sam who let Cas go and backed inside. He watched Cas load the car with his things and waved as he drove away. Sam shut the door and went upstairs to Deans room, barging in where Dean was just laying in bed listening to music.

"Here." Sam held out the note.

"What's that?" 

"It's from Cas. He's gone now, for good."

"Good. He deserves to get out of here."

"You're so fucking stupid." 

Sam snapped, slamming the note on Deans desk and storming out. When he was gone Dean stood up, wincing at the movement around his cracked ribs. He picked up the note and read it, a phone number with a scribble down the bottom in Castiels handwriting. 

'I'll always be here for you'

Dean stared at the paper a moment, eyes welling he threw it inside one of his desk drawers and slammed it shut, plugging his headphones in and turning the music up until he couldn't hear his own thoughts anymore.

Cas spent wednesday and thursday going to every pawn shop in the city and selling everything he didn't absolutely need. He got a good thousand out of his console and games, he sold all his movies and all but his four favourite books, even the suitcases they came in went for twenty bucks each. By the end of it he had one suitcase and his backpack containing everything he owned. On the advice of Mrs. Tran, he used some of his college money to get a car. 

"Get a car, a good car, with insurance. It will help you get a job and will be somewhere to sleep if you ever need it, getting a cheap and crappy one is tempting but it will cost you more down the line, and right now you gotta think long term. Get a new one and it will be reliable, reliability is invaluable in your position."

So Cas had bought his first car, Mrs. Tran and Kevin helped him pick it out, a blue Mazda that wasn't very big but not too cramped either. It wasn't the latest model so Mrs. Tran managed to haggle the dealer down to seventeen thousand. When Castiels paperwork was all finished, Mrs. Tran surprised Kevin by telling him it was his turn. He squealed with joy at his graduation present and drove home in a nineteen thousand dollar black Holden. 

Cas was nervous now that his only money had such a huge chunk taken already, but Mrs. Tran assured him that was probably the smartest thing he could have done with it. She also urged him not to spend it on college. She said he could get a job while he studied and pay it off that way, the same way most other students do. And yes, it would be hard, but if he put a little into savings as often as he could and built on his fund, by the time he left college and got a stable job, he'd be able to put a deposit on a decent house, something most people in their thirties were struggling with these days. 

Cas decided if anyone knew what they were talking about, it was Mrs. Tran, so he promised he would do what she advised. Friday came and he hugged Kevin goodbye. He even met with Charlie and Jo and hugged Jo goodbye too. Kevin was going off to Harvard, Jo was going to the Kansas State Police Academy, and Cas and Charlie were going to KSU. Charlie had her own car so Cas was going to follow her there. He hugged Mrs. Tran the longest, thanking her for all her help. They all got in their cars and started driving, as he passed the sign telling him he was now leaving the city, Cas checked his phone- no word from Dean. Cas sighed, fiddling with the angel wings sitting beneath his shirt collar and hoped there weren't a lot of thunder storms at KSU.


End file.
